This is not your life

As I work on the preparations for the Second Initiation into the Temple of Mary

and I connect with all those minds and Consciousness that will

be attending, both in person and in the invisible,

I am struck once again by how difficult it is to explain

the paradox of Truth to anyone.

On the one hand, you are told that you can have whatever you set your

mind to;  that you can awaken the Genius within and that

all your desires can be fulfilled;

on the other hand you are told that it is not your will

and it is by Divine Grace only.

Well, as always, this is the paradox and both the above statements are true.

When you accept that all is by Divine Grace only,

and you accept that this life is not yours to live as you see fit and as

pleases your ego,

but that it is all in the hands of the Divine Mother and Father,

our King and Queen in Heaven,

and that Her Will is truly your will,

then indeed,

you will live the blessed life that you are wishing for.

But then, you see, it is no longer the life that the ego wished for.

All that was so important to the ego and all that you

were conditioned into believing you need for self-fulfillment

and self-expression,

then falls away.

As you are married to the Beloved in the sacred bridal chamber

of your heart, you leave behind the ideas, the expectations,

the need for a lavish wedding celebration,

and you enter naked, without expectation,

without selfish drive and greed,

with one desire only,

and that is to become the Will of God Within.

As I muse on how to explain this to anyone, I allow my thoughts

to linger over my own life.  I did not choose Mary, Maria, Mother of God,

to be my Ishta Devata, my personal manifestation of God :

She chose me. 

And I had many opportunities to walk away;

many challenges where I had to confront every belief system,

every idea of what I thought I wanted for my own life.

But She gave me many many opportunities

where I could choose again and again.

As I work on the manual I contemplate how I would never have

thought that these are the teachings that I will convey to others;

that it is so foreign to whom I thought I was (years ago)

and where my life would take me or where I wanted to go.

how to explain this to another in order for him or her

to gain understanding and acceptance?

all the while I am standing in the kitchen, leaning over the

gasplate, cooking brunch

as I cut the mushrooms, and add the potatoes to the pan,

I am suddenly

in another world; in another light;

a past life;

I am still 'me', the same Essence,the same Wisdom,

 but I am in a different body

with thoughts in her head.

As I look down I am dressed in a dress of the fifteenth century it seems,

with a rough linen apron overdress - both in very dowdy colours.

I have a very ample bosom and a round body

I am Irish and in Ireland

I am the cook in a nunnery.

I stand over a huge fire, smells of potatoes wafting up

Every day I say the rosary with the nuns

I chant the mantra while I cook

and deep in my heart I have an incredible understanding

and a Divine Light of the truth hidden in the Rosary -

one which I cannot share with the nuns as this could mean my death.

And silently, I wish to one day, be able to share this wisdom with

the world.

In a flash I am back here, at Sancta Maria,

with a smile on my lips.

Indeed, this life is not mine to be lived for myself. 

It belongs to Wisdom, to the River of the Infinite.

I started yesterday on a profound project with the Rosary of the Rose Queen

some of which will be incorporated in the manual.

Maybe this will illuminate the paradox for you?

In Bhakty

Hettienne BhaktyMaJi