Transforming your dragons

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Years ago I read a powerful book written by Jose Stevens, 

entitled Transforming your Dragons;  How to turn fear patterns into personal power. 

 Here are some of the most pertinent points summarised :

UNDERSTANDING AND TAMING YOUR PERSONAL DRAGONS

Dragons are false selves created by ourselves in order to protect us from pain. They are fear related and designed to act as a defense reaction. Dragons are sustained by your thoughts, sponsoring thoughts and your deep-seated belief systems. 

Once you are aware of your dragon, you can tame it! 

The dragon only has power over you as long as you are unaware of it and that which drives it. In order to conquer your dragon you need to face your fear and begin to live your REAL self. You can achieve this by focusing on your positive aspects and by making decisions based on your strengths and not your weaknesses. You can use affirmations. 

You can use positive self-talk instead of destructive criticizing self-talk. 

You can follow this up with affirmative, self-supportive actions and habits. 

BE WILLING TO BE PAINFULLY HONEST AND TRUTHFUL WITH YOURSELF IN ORDER TO RECOGNIZE YOUR DRAGON(S). YOU DO HAVE ONE MAIN DRAGON AND ONE OR MORE LESS DOMINANT ONES. 

Remember that half the battle is won when you can recognize, accept and acknowledge the existence of your dragon. If you cannot recognize your own dragons, look at the mirrors offered by those closest to you. 

THE SEVEN DRAGONS

The Craving Dragon 

The Martyrdom/Victimhood Dragon 

The Impatience Dragon 

The Self-Destruction Dragon 

The Stubbornness Dragon 

The Pretension Dragon 

The Self-Devaluation Dragon

THE MARTYRDOM DRAGON 

Complaining, resentful, guilt-inducing, ‘woe is me’ attitude, blaming, sighing, felt taken advantage of , long suffering, sacrificing, self-righteous 

OR 

Agonized, anguished, trapped, persecuted, victimized 

BELIEF : 

I am not okay. I am trapped. I must make others feel bad for causing my pain. I can win by suffering. 

THE BIG LIE :

 ‘Someone else/something else is always at fault, to blame for what happens to me.” The martyr feels victimised because he or she feels truly undeserving and worthless. I do not deserve anything but a rotten life. I need to suffer. I need to struggle to prove my worth. I am not worthy of having a wonderful great life. 

There is great fear that if you tell the truth about your own wants and wishes, nobody would want you. Demanding other people’s sympathy keeps you a victim. Your spiritual life might also enforce this dragon by finding glory in suffering and your self-made hell on earth. 

AFFIRMATIONS 

I create my own reality I am discovering more happiness every day 

There is a way through every problem 

I am able to have my needs fulfilled 

I am a valuable and worthwhile human being no matter what I do 

Life is getting better every day 

WEAPONS 

Tell the truth 

Stop using the strategy of manipulation; face your terror of feeling valueless. Tackle the inner rage that goes with fear. 

Draw boundaries Say No! Stop saying yes to things you do not like. Stop being ‘nice’ and ‘agreeable’. 

Stop complaining Give up the pleasure of sympathy of others. Sympathy is a poor substitute for life. 

Take responsibility Choose; see and accept alternatives – you are not ‘trapped’ except by your beliefs. 

Be willing to have fun Let others see and enjoy your pleasure – stop feeling you’ll be punished for it. 

Admit your needs Ask for help; become a team player – admit that you need the love of others 

Give up blaming and always being right It re-enforces your dragon to make others look bad and yourself look good and perfect. You don’t have to earn love by being perfect. 

THE CRAVING/GREED DRAGON 

Selfish, grasping, possessive, voracious, tight-fisted, covetous, materialistic, stingy, anorexic or bulimic, hoarding, promiscuous 

OR 

Deprived, hungry, unsatisfied, craving, empty, insatiable, denying, envious, craving, desirous 

BELIEF 

I will take what I can get in place of the real thing and pretend I like it. Acquiring is a relief. Whatever I have is not what I want. Other people have what I want. I’ll have to take it. 

THE BIG LIE 

Just one more will bring me that feeling of satisfaction One more drink, one more takeover, one more lover, one more cookie, one more of anything will bring satisfaction – in the end they destroy all that you had, driving others away. In your spiritual life it means collecting guru’s, hunger for forbidden things – sex, material things. Craving people do not enjoy life because they are too worried about losing things, too focused on getting more of them. They live lonely lives. They are often unloved, unhappy and unfulfilled. 

AFFIRMATIONS 

The more I give, the more I get I thoroughly enjoy everything I have 

I am confident enough to face my sadness 

I love to share what I have with others 

I have everything I need or want in order to be happy 

I am completely satisfied with what I have 

WEAPONS

Acknowledge that greed is a problem

Note the lack of satisfaction when you get what you craved 

Note how short-lived the satisfied feelings is 

Recognize your fixation Which craving keeps you tortured – food, power, sex, possessions? 

End the search Surrender, face your feelings of despair – deep down you know that what you crave will not satisfy you 

Recognize your true source of Satisfaction By denying your cravings you will identify what lies behind them – the real source of ‘hunger’ is for love and acceptance, to know your meaning and purpose in this world. 

Give to others Stop blaming others, what you give is what you get; learn to give love, time, compliments, bonuses 

Be kind and generous with yourself Accept and nurture yourself – there is no substitute. 

Enjoy what you already have - stop neglecting what you already have. Give up the search for something better. 

Make a list of what you have Give thanks for talents, relationships, abilities, material things 

Give something nice to yourself that you always wanted Every time you use it, feel glad you bought it. 

THE SELF-DEVALUATION DRAGON

Drooping shoulders, meek, servile, lonely, resigned, disgraced, despised, intimidated, apologetic, bad posture, eyes downcast, chew lips/fingernails, pick nails, pull hair. 

OR Self-accusatory, self-condemning, self-reproaching, self-conscious, undeserving, disheartened 

BELIEF : I can’t do it, I will only be loved if I achieve. I am inadequate. 

THE BIG LIE : The more I admit to inadequacy, the better off I’ll be. The truth is that you are not winning by perpetuating an apologetic self, instead expectations of inadequacy are reinforced by experience of hopelessness and depression, feelings of defeat. Low self esteem is the cause of more illness than any other source. Lack of confidence is devastating on relationships. Half-hearted actions, fear of making decisions will re-enforce failure. The dragon destroys your spiritual life as well, since you are totally unworthy of saving – an inadequate sinner who will fail in spiritual quests. 

AFFIRMATIONS 

I am adequate to meet any experience in life. I am a lovable person, and I know I make an important contribution to the world. 

I am amazed at the success I experience in everything I do. 

I know that people like me and want to spend time with me 

I experience confidence in my ability to handle all the challenges that come my way 

I find it easy to accept compliments and praise 

WEAPONS 

Recognize that you are not the dragon It eats your energy, you are really in charge 

Acknowledge that you are afraid of being inadequate – this has caused you to underperform and avoid situations in which you should excel. Your inner child learnt to apologize constantly – liberate that child. 

Be willing to be successful – this requires taking risk – so take little risks at first, don’t start with big ones. 

Ruthlessly eliminate apologies – constant apologizing is a habit. Become conscious of the habit – but be patient with yourself, it will no be easy to modify your behaviour, keep at it. 

Expand yourself at every opportunity – breathe more deeply, stretch your body and mind and face the fears that this bring, bring some pride in yourself and into your life. Do things that will bring recognition. 

Validate yourself at all times – stop putting yourself down; switch off that inner critical voice; accept your value and your worth. Take action and make decisions. 

Give up the reward of being right about being a failure – allow yourself to succeed, to feel adequate, feel that you are equal to others. 

THE PRETENSION DRAGON 

Vanity, witty, conceited, judgemental, sarcastic, smug, boastful, egotistical, perfectionism, supercilious, self-righteous, criticizing, self-important, big-headed, proud, cynical, inflated 

OR Self-conscious, shy, embarrassed, uncomfortable, distant, hard-to-reach, aloof, cool, suspicious, unavailable 

BELIEF 

I must criticize others before they criticize me. I have a right because I know how to do things better. If they find fault with me I become aloof. 

THE BIG LIE

You want to believe it, to impress others, but deep down you are not sure. You worry that someone will see through you and find you have no value; they will ignore you, or worse – they may humiliate you. So you keep up the act – and become lonely. You want them to draw you out (passive mode)

AFFIRMATIONS 

I am equal to, not better or worse than, other people Others experience me as warm and open 

I accept myself and other people 

I am proud of my accomplishments and do not need to advertise them, they are seen by others naturally 

I have become tolerant of criticism and learn from it 

WEAPONS 

Realize that you are not the Dragon – the true you is the person who is free of judgement 

Admit that you feel isolated – you do need others but the name-dropping, bragging and fancy clothes did not win friends – see the loneliness of your inner child and reclaim the real you 

Show vulnerability – be refreshingly imperfect – at your own pace, and with those you trust 

Pay attention to others – instead of assuming they are judging you, accept they are more concerned with their own affairs, not yours, - start noticing interesting things about people you meet, give them a word of support, of recognition, start serving others 

Let yourself be – the inner child has withdrawn, seeking shelter, believing it is unloveable and the world a frightening cruel place – nurture your inner child, accept and love yourself, you need kindness and compassion 

Release judgement of yourself and others – stop judging others; don’t criticize yourself. 

Be equal to others – respect is earned when it is also given; everyone is special in their own way. Let go of wanting to be better than others 

Come out of hiding – let go of withdrawal, aloofness, distance 

THE STUBBORNNESS DRAGON 

Headstrong, unco-operative, unbending, set in one’s ways, unpersuadable, immovable, contrary OR Inflexible, tenacious, relentless, willful, fixed, stuck, perverse, obstinate, determined 

BELIEF : Change is frightening 

People in authority rob me of power. They want to control me. Resist authority to preserve integrity. I can’t back down, right or wrong. Resisting the rules makes me win. My personal freedom and independence is threatened. 

THE BIG LIE : If I refuse to change, I am more powerful. 

It is a hollow victory, by refusing to budge, you alienate your friends and family; stubborn people end up victorious but alone. Others do not want to deal with such a difficult, inflexible person – this is the blueprint for loneliness and despair. It affects your health – you hearing, your back. This dragon leads to all others – arrogance, greed, impatience. This dragon can easily seem to be merely determined. Battles are often fought internally by engaging in internal dialogues. 

AFFIRMATIONS 

I have the courage to admit when I am wrong I am learning the art of compromise 

I am an excellent listener 

I like to do new and interesting things 

I enjoy implementing the suggestions and advice of others 

I learn a lot from my failures 

WEAPONS

Learn to be flexible – Minds are like parachutes – they only work when they’re open – consider all the options 

Learn to say YES – try new things, go to new places, listen to suggestions for change 

Express yourself openly – don’t put things off – rather say you don’t want to and discuss it 

Listen with an open mind – silent opposition is a real ‘stubborn’ response – listen, and talk 

Come to terms with authority – stubbornness comes from lack of inner confidence – but you become what you resist – what happens when you become the ‘authority’? Are you oppressive too? 

Embrace change – accept that change is inevitable – we cannot stop it, use the opportunities that change brings 

Admit your mistakes and accept failure –don’t try and prove you are right when you are not, if you have made a bad decision, accept it – you won’t lose face. Stubbornness is based on fear, learn to let go. 

THE SELF-DESTRUCTION DRAGON

Reckless, daredevil, dangerous, delinquent, imprudent, suicide, wild, foolhardy, excessive, addicted, frantic, self-mutilating, anorexic, bulimic 

OR 

Out-of-control, hopeless, despairing, devastated, inconsolable, feeling futile, defeated 

BELIEF

I am alone and the world is scary and hostile. I am abandoned, I am bad and should be punished. I must be in control at all times. Death is better than life. 

THE BIG LIE 

More external control is the answer to the problem 

The truth is that over-control results in bigger problems (obsessive-compulsive behaviour) External control is no substitute for a deep sense of meaning, self-guidance and confidence. This dragon arises out of feelings of abandonment, emotional or physical abuse and unreasonable punishment as a child, a lack of self-worth, panic, despair, it seriously impacts on health, creativity and relationships 

AFFIRMATIONS

I am able to find value and meaning in my life 

I have learned to respect myself and others 

The pain I have experienced helps me to help others 

I am strong enough to let go of the need for control 

I have wonderful people who care about me 

I am able to be a friend myself 

WEAPONS

Realize that life is sacred – and has ultimate meaning; this needs courage 

Admit that you are out of control - don’t be afraid to give up pretending you have control; ask for help Admit that being in control is the real issue – gain control over your own reactions, the rest follows 

Set your sights on realistic goals – don’t aim unrealistically high; set small achievable goals 

Clean up the messes in your life – from romances to friendships to business – pay off your debts to others, and communicate, even if it means facing discomfort and upset 

Face your abuse of yourself and others – respect and take care of your body; abuse is an outrage 

Face the issue of abandonment – it is extraordinarily painful, it is devastating to face it – but it is essential to accept that we are each of us alone – and yet, never alone – recognize your relationship to others and the importance of that contact. You are here for a purpose, decide to live life. 

THE IMPATIENCE DRAGON

Excitable, brusque, cursory, snappish, short-tempered, short-fused, intolerant, abrupt, looking at watch often, rash, hasty, reckless, rude 

OR 

Nervous, anxious, jittery, agitated, impulsive, fretful, eager, impetuous, heedless, rushed 

BELIEF Time is something that there is too little or too much of 

THE BIG LIE: If I go faster, I can get to my goal quicker, and accomplish more – it’s better to hurry. Time is limited and it’s going to run out on you. 

The truth is that moving more slowly is more efficient and therefore more productive. Time cannot run out. Impatience contribute significantly to increased stress, especially the digestive and vascular systems, it accelerates the aging process, it hampers healing, it restricts creativity. Time is relative, stretchable, condensable. Time is a tool to be used – Be the master of time, not its slave. 

AFFIRMATIONS 

I have all the time I need to accomplish everything I want to in life 

Silence is beneficial to me 

Being mindful leads to fulfilling relationships for me 

I enjoy just being, without having to do anything 

The more relaxed my pace, the more I seem to accomplish 

Time is always on my side 

WEAPONS 

Experience unstructured time – learn to be in the moment. Enjoy spending time unplanned and spontaneously. Learn silence – cut out the endless mental dialogue. Stop being afraid of missing something and thus having radio, TV on while doing other things 

Cut out intrusions of TV, radio – develop intimacy with friends, your children by doing one thing at a time, seek peaceful environments 

Be graceful – move slowly, don’t rush, become aware of each muscle and movement 

Develop rhythm – life is rhythmic and when disrupted all goes wrong; when ill, allow time to heal; learn to relax. Communication is a rhythm of listening and speaking 

Be mindful – become aware of what you are doing while you’re doing it; notice what is happening in your mind,your body 

Learn the true nature of time – it’s all relative, the faster you go the slower you go. Mold time to suit you 

Play with time – spend the day without your watch – start weekends

..... more to follow.