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Friday, October 17, 2014

Donning the cloak of the Hermit

Picture taken by Hettienne Grobler September 2014 Lourdes Full Moon

I have donned the cloak of the Hermit.

I will write from time to time
on my four currently active blogs
You always know where to find me.

I Am the Light of the world - ACIM

Blessings and Peace
Hettienne Bhakty Maria Ma

Sunday, October 5, 2014

We are the Kingdom of God

I returned from our pilgrimage to sites sacred to
Mary, saints, gods and goddesses and archangels.
We visited ancient ruins of temples, gothic
cathedrals, churches,
sacred gardens, monuments, convents and
other holy places.
We stood in awe in places still alive with the Holy Presence
of those who have understood the greatest
The Truth that the Kingdom of God
is yes, in us, but also that the
Kingdom of God IS us.
The Truth that human heart is the
Sacred Temple and that the holy war
between two opposing sides
are raging within the human heart.

St John the Divine Cathedral, Montmartre, Paris

The trip was incredibly intense.  Every day we had
to face challenges and obstacles.
Plans had to change at the last minute;
misfortune happened;
things did not work out as planned.
Each day offered each one of us many
opportunities to witness ourselves and our own
reactions and our own responses to these
challenges.  Years ago, when I first started
undertaking sacred pilgrimages, a wise woman told
me that one is always tested to the extreme when
you set foot on the pilgrim's path.

Full Moon 7/8 September - Nativity Feast of Mary

On the other side of the coin, of course,
we do live in a world of opposites after all,
we had incredible, breathtaking awesome moments
every single day.
Unexpected beauty such as the full moon behind
the Notre Dame with the full set of bells pealing
for the Nativity of Mary!

This full moon was still hanging blushing pink and gold
in Lourdes and followed the procession
and at one point she was directly above both the
statue of Our Lady of Lourdes as well
as the Lady being carried in procession.

I had the opportunity of visiting St Teresa d'Lisieux's
garden and her sacred relics and we offered
roses to her image in her rose garden

At both Lourdes and Lisieux the sacred fragrance
were so thick and intense that it seemed virtually
tangible : a mix of honey and rose.
And it was not the flowers!

A street shrine of the Blessed Mother in Rome

The statue of the Vestal Virgin, Claudia, in the ancient city of Rome

We visited many sacred sites in Paris;
travelled to Lisieux and Chartres;
spent nights in Lourdes and Assisi
and visited many sacred and historic
sites in Rome and travelled to Napoli.

Statue of Isis in Pompeii museum in Naples, Italy

If you are interested in reading about my
experiences and insights during this trip, you
can follow my blog posts at

I have also started blogging the
Tarot Deck of the Mysteries of Mary at
After this pilgrimage, the entire deck has
morphed into something far deeper
and more intense that when I started off.

St Teresa Basilica Family Crypt in Lisieux

This pilgrimage took place exactly 13 years, also in
September, to my first pilgrimage.
Many of the places in Rome and Assisi I had visited 13 years
ago and the change in my perception and understanding
which I faced in the mirror of my consciousness
reflected back at me from the physical world,
was a rebirthing experience.
Yet again, I realised, that our ideas and thoughts
and the waves in our consciousness die and 
are reborn infinitely.
Each day I felt more and more humbled by the
understanding that dawned on me.

A street shrine in Paris

Once again, I realised that it is not our own doing,
yet, we have to continue to do.
It is as though we have to dig the foundations and
gather the bricks and mortar and create
the inner garden, in the faith and trust that the Beloved
will appear and fill that garden with the most
exotic blooms and fragrances, with orchards
of fruit trees and rich harvests.

At times I felt as though I was being taken apart
and NOT being put together again;  I had
vivid dreams every night and the image
of a broken doll was very vivid.
Yet, the doll continues to dance through life
as she does not do so by her own volition
but by the Hand of God.

I once again witnessed how easily the spiritual path
is turned into one of sentimentality and superstition.
A true spiritual path is truly a religion of the soul.
It has underpinnings of discipline and commitment;
it is carried by humility and the ability to
surrender to the Will of God.

Street shrine in Rome

I would say our biggest obstacle and challenge
is to become aware of our own understanding
and view of ourself and the world, as it is
this psychological view that we mainly project
onto the Divine :  whether it is that we get
distracted by the politics of the age, the gender
of the divine or equality issues.  A simple place to
start would be 'Know Thyself'.  In other words,
get to know your personality, your likes and
dislikes, your personal beliefs, your conditioning
and most of all, your 12 personality archetypes.
Get to know their positives and negatives and
then surrender both to the Self to be
transformed into the Living Fire.
Our minds (that is, our personality)
creates the veil which covers the
inner sanctum of the Heart.
This veil is also called the Veil of the Mother,
or the Sacred Garment or Maya
and it has a dual role.
Much like the double sided head of Janus,
the veil keeps us out of the Inner Temple where
Wisdom resides, but it also encourages and aids
us to find our way into the Temple.

Try to work that paradox out rationally and logically.

I changed the Temple of Mary to
the Temple of the Mysteries of Mary
as I realised, in humility, Mary is so much
more than a modern goddess.
That the Theotokos (the Mother of God) is an integral
part of the miraculous love of God's Kingdom
and that she is so much more than psychological
feminine face of God.
I read the word God as 'It' and not as "He' or

In the Gospel of John, chapter 1:1-13, we have the description of the incarnation of the Word. 
In the original text of this chapter, in the Greek,
there is no masculine pronoun "He" in several passages, as the English versions suggest.
It’s actually written in the early Greek as "this one," not "He." 
Here is the text with these adjustments:
1 In the beginning was the Logos, and the Logos was with God, 
and the Logos was God.
2 This one was in the beginning with God.
3 All things were made through this one; and without this one was not made
anything that has been made.

The Temple of Vesta in ancient Rome

Through the arc of time, there has always
been the mystical understanding that
we embody cosmic transformation.
The understanding is also that this transformation
entails giving in, giving up, surrendering and
ultimately death.  The cosmic battle between
dark and light is taking place within ourselves
and our understanding and if we are to hide
in sentiment and 'light and love' niceties
we will always be held in the hands
of our biological fate.

Each of us is part of the Kingdom of God
and we are constantly participating in the
play between mind and heart, self and Soul.
In response we are asked to notice,
to become aware,
to appreciate the mystery,
to consciously participate in it,
and to be grateful.

Thursday, September 4, 2014


Resurrection, Regeneration and Re-birth

These are words and images desired by all and often pursued with great intent and focus. But, alas, this part of the journey implies a preceding destruction, dissolution and death - something which the human mind would rather deny or avoid at all costs.

Nothing can be created without destroying something else. Anyone who is consciously creating art, will know this principle well. Often one becomes paralyzed at the thought of breaking down that which seems to be serving you well and that which has proven a worthy vehicle, but you cannot build without breaking down. Even if it only means that where previously there was an empty space of land, and you now create a new building, you still have to destroy the empty land.

And this also holds true for the self. Leaving the old behind invites that you step into the unknown, into a new part of the adventure, without a map and without a clear detailed plan. This calls for great courage and action - both characteristics of the heart chakra. Action as in an inner attitude, a willingness to do things differently, a willingness to let go of who you think or believe you are. For instance, it is no use telling your partner or your family, that 'you are not an emotionally demonstrative person' when you know that he/she is yearning for some display of affection from you. It is about reaching out, taking the risk, becoming vulnerable, and doing that which your heart calls for. This can be something really small - look at it as a pebble on the surface of a lake - the smallest pebble creates many circles and ever-widening circles - the same as love in action.

The human resists change, but life is an ever-changing flow, with nothing permanent or 'absolute'. Everything depends on your perspective, your beliefs and your paradigm. Many sages have set out to demonstrate this reality to seekers, but the power of the mind and its fear of change and the unknown is very strong and this is seated in the lower parts of the brain, known as the primitive or reptilian brain and the limbic brain (more about this in further blogs).

The answer lies in the higher functions of the brain - illumination and 'enlightenment' is a function of the higher brain and accessible to all human beings! The activation of higher neural pathways in the brain, is the goal of all energy healing, mystical traditions, practices and very importantly, the goal of meditation. Activate the higher pathways of the brain and you will be re-born into a new reality - one where it is possible to live with the tension of the opposites; where you will know, as the Shaman, that it is possible to live in your own reality, beyond the laws that govern the world created by the lower mind, artist and creator of your own life - albeit always as a part of the whole. Entering the domain of the artist/creator/shaman does not equate the status of 'God'/Creator/AllThatIs. We are a spark of the Fire and we are both nothing and everything, mortal and immortal, of no consequence and of every consequence. This is part of the paradox that will become clear to you as you step into direct encounters with the 'mystical' world. (I place many of these words in apostrophes as they are all words laden with belief and conditioning. The way in which I use them will only become clear to you if you continue to read my words and gain a deeper understanding of the meaning that I am trying to convey to you).

By activating the higher pathways of the brain, the old recording and habitual (mostly negative) thinking is erased. The gates are opened to a peaceful existence without fear and anxiety rooted in the cellular memory and generated by the primitive and limbic parts of the brain. The entire energy structure of the human being is transformed. The luminous body grows and expands and the higher chakras become active. A large and powerful energy field is created, radiating compassion and tolerance and others are attracted to this Love.

A new way of understanding and thinking will become natural and this is available to everyone as part of their evolution into a 'spiritual divine' being. But in order to activate these higher centres, you have to do the work and above all, you have to allow the changes to take place. You have to die to the old, spend time in the cave of death and the Underworld, going through the pain of loss, and face the fear of death, before you can be resurrected into a new you. This is a physical and real initiation. Undergoing energetic and mystical initiations cannot replace the physical initiation. They can prepare your mind and test your willingness, but ultimately, you have to walk the talk and you will be given the opportunity to be tested. You will undergo this initiation many times until you finally face the final initiation, that of mortal and physical death. Should you pass these initiations, and grow 'wings' as you return from each one, it is said that you will retain knowledge of your personal essence and you will not be re-absorbed into the river of unconsciousness after the final death of the body.

Often one starts with a spiritual practice and changes (as promised) will arrive on your doorstep. However, because these do not fit in with your paradigm and your ideas of who you are and where you are going, you ignore these messengers. The spiritual traditions are all vulnerable to distortion to suit your own, or your spiritual leader's needs and agenda. Everything that looks like gold, is not always gold. The shadow is a powerful adversary and a wonderful instrument in service of the fearful self. When the self fears change and the unknown, it will employ the shadow self as a servant in the game of keeping you in the dark. We have many tools to our disposal, such as rationalisation, justification, postponement, sloth (the lack of courageous action, the lack of integrity), and others. The shadow is a master of distortion and will use well-known spiritual terminology and concepts to hold you prisoner. When fear is present, love is absent.

That then, is the test. Am I in fear or am I in Love? There is no other choice. If you are not in love, then set about discovering why you are in fear. Ask the questions and live the questions. Be patient. Eventually you will live the answers.

Freedom through Love

Surrrendering to God (the Unknown and Unknowable) requires an unwavering faith and trust in the Absolute Goodness of God.

Surrender is the key to unveiling the Truth of Oneness, so why would the mind not allow you to surrender instantly? The obvious answer is 'fear', but then, fear of what? Fear of God. The fear of God is implicit in the creation of a seemingly separate human mind - one that has its own personal perceptions based on personal experience. Therefore a very valid point of view, seen from the mind's perspective, to not willingly surrender to that which is Unknown and Unknowable - would you not agree?

The mind cannot know God and that is where the problem lies. As long as you rely on your mind and its perceptions based on its own limited belief systems, you will not even be able to contemplate the nature of God. The direct experience of God will give you the taste of what you are seeking - it will satisfy the yearning of your heart and the longing of your soul. You will not be able to explain God in words or concepts and this is because God is not an idea! God IS. God IS at all times, whether you are consciously aware of this or not. God IS.

And the paradox is that the more you empty your mind, in order to step into the IS, the more you will get to know your mind and the less attached you will become to its content and belief systems.

How do you empty your mind and start this journey on a daily basis? There are various forms of meditation, but it is not necessary to move into an ashram, or to withdraw from life and to acquire vast meditation skills. In fact, when you do any of the above, you are creating another belief system and really, to know God, you have to step into a life 'beyond belief'. You have to let go of all belief systems, so be conscious of which new belief systems you are creating.

It can be as simple as becoming aware of each and every moment. Take fifteen minutes in the morning and fifteen minutes at night (before sleep) and sit with your breath. In this time, focus on the in and out breath. No pranayama, no manipulation of the breath, just a rythmic breath. As you breath in and out, be present and be aware, be willing to BE WITH the breath, and to be with yourself and thus to be with God. Yes, to be with God! as you, without judgement, without the need to improve yourself, without goals, without striving, just BE. It is said that God is closer than your own breath. In the Hindu tradition, the God Shiva (Siva) is an anagram of Vasi (breath) - surely you can see that there is a message here. God is not a separate entity 'out there'; neither is God a being, limited to duality and good and bad. God IS. And only you can know God, by knowing yourself.

As you become conscious of the moment, you will become conscious of certain thoughts and feelings. Do not fight these. Do not engage these. These are all part of the 'story'; the story that you wrote and continue to write about yourself. Let them arise to the surface of the mind like bubbles and let them be. 'This too shall pass'. It may take a while to trust the process, but eventually the clouds will start to clear. You may not have any immediate insights, but you will notice new feelings, a new sense of lightness, a more positive outlook, and so on.

The truth is that you are not separate from God. God is both within and without. God is everything. Even by using the word God I am projecting a series of beliefs and adjectives in your mind, but to communicate, we need words. You can replace the word 'god' with Love, or Peace, or Christ, or Goddess, or Light. Most of these have already been claimed by spiritual and religious traditions, so once again, you are limiting your knowledge of the Divine. So there is only one way, and that is to go beyond - to go beyond the mind.

In The Cloud of Unknowing, a work by an unknown Christian monk, he says that the mind creates the Cloud of Unknowing, which obscures the knowledge of God and in order to clear this cloud, you have to put everything else into the Cloud of Forgetting.

This is a wonderfully simple analogy for exactly how I am with and know the Self.

The mind likes to and wants to understand and interpret, in order to organise, structure and mainly to control.  The mind believes that when things are not going according to its plans and goals and expectations, that it is doing something wrong. You, as servant to the mind, then start to 'do' in order to bring seeming order back to the chaos. But chaos is needed to create, so unless, you can allow the chaos, you can not live a creative life, and your inner world will become a wasteland. You will feel trapped by external routines and seemingly limited choices. As long you try to interpret and understand, you are analysing and 'filing' and adding to the 'story'. You always have a choice whether you look at a glass as half-full or half empty. You have the same power when it comes to writing your story. You can have exactly the same childhood as someone else, but based on your perception, your personality, your expectations, you will write a different story about your life and more importantly, about yourself, than someone else. But eventually, you only become a character in this story, and you are written by the story line that you set in motion a long time ago. Your choices become limited, your reactions become predictable and the people that you attract in your life, are all seemingly the same character, just in different dress-up every time. These characters are usually the Big Bad Wolf, or the Evil Stepmother or the jealous Ugly Stepsister or the Fisher King and so on.

So, how to change the story? How to undo the storyboard and how to step off the page? Through surrender.

Surrender does not mean that you just 'give up' and become downtrodden and despondent and despaired - well, sometimes it does. But not for this exercise.

To understand the meaning of surrender in this context, please visualise a triangle. See the one leg of the triangle in the 'negative' and the other leg of the triangle in the 'positive' and then see the apex of the triangle in the centre, high above it all. The apex of the triangle I like to call 'High Thinking' (the Absolute, Union, Unity Consciousness, at-one with God). All three points of the triangle is 'true' for you, the human being. You are standing with two legs in duality and your Soul is in God. If you keep your head in God as well, whilst going about your daily life, in full acceptance of everything as IS, you are living in surrender. And then you are holding the golden key to Self-Realisation.

Remember, life is energy before it is matter. So make sure that whatever you are giving energy to, really matters.

Thoughts and emotions are prayers, sent without end, setting your intent and 'want' to your Higher Self.

So, place your story and all its characters, into the cloud of forgetfullness. Leave it behind. Let it go. Over and over. Put down that heavy suitcase, throw out the baggage, and walk away, mentally and emotionally and step into Freedom. All of this is possible through Love.

This will mean that you suspend all judgement. When something happens to you, you step into the witness, into the apex of the triangle and you observe yourself. You observe your reactions, the feelings of pain and hurt, or anger and explosiveness. You do not have to fight or resist these feelings. You accept them. It is our resistance to our feelings that cause the suffering. Suffering is on-going pain and repression. When you allow yourself to feel the pain, the be at the centre of the feelings, without resistance and without fear, they will dissolve. Like mist in front of the Sun! You will most probably not be able to stay in the witness in the beginning, but you can go back to your High Throne in the Sun. When you become aware that you are fully engaged in flurry and intensity of the feelings, then you can return to the apex of the triangle, without judgement of self. When you release all judgement of the self that is still in the thick of the duality, compassion will enter its space.

The first time true acceptance and compassion floods your heart and being, it washes your mind of the fog and a sweetness, such as only known in love at first sight, enters your being. This absolute sweetness is Love, God, and ultimately your True Self. Once you have known this sweetness, this incredibly tender, absolute Love, you will want more and more. And your subconscious will find the way to deliver more to you!

Remember, through surrender, you are activating the principle of Love. The Principle of Love, is God, the Soul, Christ Consciousness, Guru (disspeller of darkness). The Principle of Love is intelligent and its goal and ultimate destiny is your Self-Realisation! It wants you to wake up from the nightmare and to participate fully in this Experience. Once Love has been activated, It will take control as much as you can allow. It will become your Guru, your Guru, your Lover, your Beloved and your divine Parent and It will bring you exactly what you need at all times.

So do not put off surrender. Take the risk. It is said that when you jump off the cliff, thousands of angels will be there to provide wings for your flight. Step into Freedom, over and over, and eventually you will remember and it will be a constant state of Love!

Living by Grace

Most people start the journey towards awakening to their true selves in an attempt to escape their current state of mind or to heal the body. In the beginning various tools are applied, such as affirmations, releasing techniques and various other modalities, but then eventually, the truth dawns, that actually you are only re-arranging the furniture! Carlos Castanedas said that when you wake up and you realise you are in the house of the mind, do not waste time exploring the various rooms, get out of there as fast as you can! Well, that is one approach. But ultimately, we are walking between worlds and we have to learn to live with the tension of the opposites. This constitutes the middle road - that of living by Grace. (This was discussed in more detail in my previous blog Freedom through Love)

The ego or man-made mind, is the only thing that stands between you and the direct experience of God. In order to live by Grace and to live in freedom, you need to let go of your need to suffer and to receive Love in every breathing moment! I agree that when you first read this sentence, you tend to react, what utter nonsense, who chooses to suffer willingly and knowingly? But the mind, through its conditioning and its 'learning' chooses suffering most of the time.

It revels in its own sense of suffering. The mind identifies with the story of 'me' and 'me' cannot exist without the story! Thus it is easy to become so enmeshed in the story that it becomes your identity and all of who you think you are. When in actual fact, you are not the story and you need to remember who you are.

The truth is that you are never separated from God. Your True Self is the one behind the web of the mind. Your mind is your active opponent when it engages in self-rejection, self-deprecation, criticism of the self, breaking down your self-esteem and filling you with thoughts of not being good enough, not lovable, and so on. So now you are probably thinking to yourself, well, I know that is the problem; how do I change it?

First of all, change your belief system. At first you may need blind faith. Blind faith in an ever loving Presence that has never abandoned you and has never rejected you. Accept that you in fact do not know the true nature of the divine Presence. All that you think you know about it, you have acquired through the perception of your experiences and thus your conditioning. The mind wants to keep you safe and protected against re-experiencing any painful feelings. Thus it contracts and armours itself and does whatever it takes to keep you from revealing yourself, or from taking any emotional risks. But when you apply the mind in its higher function of self-enquiry and you follow the bread crumb trail back to the origin of the thought and the belief system, you will find that your mind's reasoning is absolutely crazy! There is no logic and no rationale. It is a story woven and fabricated by your mind and it will most probably not even make sense to anybody else. So this is where Carlos Castanedas' statement makes so much sense. Why do you want to spend time unravelling the many, many stories that your mind created? It is so much simpler to merely jump from the plane, knowing that you carry a parachute and free float down to a new reality.

Obviously this is not as easy as I make it sound, but with consistent effort this is well within your reach. At first it is difficult to do as you now have to break a life long habit. A habit of being angry, or feeling justified in your behaviour, or feeling sorry for yourself. Although these habits seemingly give you power and often has become the driving force and motivator in your life, they do not serve you - in fact they are your master and you serve them - thus, you are not free to reach your fullest potential, nor are you free to be happy, just for the sake of being happy.

The mind will have you know that as long as you are an imperfect human being, you cannot Realise your Oneness with what Is. But this is not true. You are both a human being and at one with God. No-one can really define the terms awakening, enlightenment and Self-Realisation, Christ Consciousness and so on. As long as you tie yourself to a belief system or a tradition or a religion, you are tied to certain requirements for awakening or enlightenment, but ultimately, this is a process of becoming less of you and more of You! And you are the only one who knows your inner world and who knows God Within. Everyone else can only know God in their own way. So the moment you rely on others' words or experiences, you are separating yourself from true knowing and you will also doubt and discount your direct spiritual experiences.

All disease of the body is created by the mind, ultimately. This is a tough one to assimilate and swallow, but your thoughts, your belief systems, your incessant prayers are creating your body. This does not mean that you must overcome all disease and that unless you do so you are not perfect or 'good enough' to know God.  That is exactly the nature of the thoughts of the mind that drives you toward the notion that you have to heal your life. You do not have to heal your body, nor your life. You need to desire God and only God and everything else will be taken care of.

What does it mean to 'desire God'? It means that you accept that there is a Principle of Love - complete, unconditional and infinite Love. That this Love Principle is Perfection and that its power is omnipotent and omnipresent. You accept that ultimately your will is God's Will and God's Will is your will and that God's Will is only Love. So, I suppose you have to believe that your mind is not in control, it has never been in control and that personal willpower will not get you what you want!! And then by implication, this means that 'your will' is not the personal will of the mind. And mostly, we only get to this point in our consciousness and awareness, through hardship and suffering, and often through disease of the body! So we have gone full circle, back to disease of the body.

You can choose to look at disease or challenges in your life as signs of 'not doing it right' or 'not being aligned', or whatever terminology the mind choooses to use. OR you can look at it from the perspective of LOVE, and that is that All Is As It Should Be at all times. You may not understand, you may not be able to see the bigger picture, but knowledge of God and the true nature of Love, will set you free to accept and surrender at all times. And through acceptance and surrender, the resistance dissolves and thus the mental pattern that created the disease in the first place.

Many alternative therapies do work for a while. I suppose they satisfy the mind that believes that it needs to understand, before it can surrender and let go. But in my personal experiences and in healing experiences with many others that I have worked with over the years, true breakthrough has always taken place when the person has accepted that no matter of self-improvement is going to fix the problem.

You see, you do not need self-improvement. You are innately whole. You entered this world in absolute innocence and wholeness. And then the journey started. And the pain that you felt, was the pain of believing you are separate from God, that you had been abandoned by God. And these feelings were created because this world cannot validate your Christ Self. So, when you looked into the eyes of another, you could not see your True Self reflected back at you. Nowhere could you see evidence of your innocence and your purity. Your True Self was rejected in experiences with others. When you revealed your exuberance, your absolute Self-absorbed happiness and joy, it was labelled as inappropriate; your pleasure in the beingness of your physical body may have been called perverse. In many different ways, your Being were rejected. And this is the truth for all human beings, in varying degrees.

When you find someone that you resonate with, your experience is always one of 'he/she gets me', they understand me, they 'see' me. But sooner or later, this is no longer true and problems start in the relationship.  Do not look for acceptance in the eyes of another. As you are learn that you are so much more than your story and so much more than others' reflections, and you start to gain this conviction, you become the Grace.  

Once you realise this, you can start the journey of true acceptance and surrender : accept that you will never understand all they whys and wherefores; accept that you cannot know God with your mind and surrender to Grace. Living by Grace enables you to live in joy and total freedom despite the 'story' and the mind's attempts at keeping you tied to your story.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Meditation Exercises for Resurrection

We are often aware that we are trying to facilitate change for ourselves. We are also often acutely aware that something within has to die. It may even feel like a mask that has to be peeled away; an outer container that has to be broken through in order for the chrysalis to transform into a butterfly. But we are not always conscious of the next step that we are required to take. Remember, that you will be asked to go through this process many times in your life and there are seven major initiatory passages through which you will have to find your way. And the way through is by letting go, allowing the dissolution to take place, before the resurrection and re-birth can become a reality.

There is only today and the present moment, but we choose to hold on to our stories and to our history. We choose to carry over the hurts and the resentments and make it part of our identity. But the immortal, timeless self has no history and no baggage. The timeless eternal self knows how to find the freedom and the divine bliss and your body and brain is wired to facilitate this journey!! So, walk with me, enter through the gates and follow the river that flows to the ocean of bliss.

The personal self does not exist. It is a conglomeration of stories and ideas, concepts and beliefs, which can change in the blink of an eye. It takes great courage to practise the acceptance that you do not exist and therefore that none of your personal accomplishments are important. The human mind has been conditioned into attachment, but as the Buddha discovered, attachment leads to suffering.

The following is a very powerful tool and exercise to facilitate the unclothing of the self and the dismantling of the constructions that you have erected around your radiant nature and identity. It will help you to release the grip of subconscious beliefs and limiting thoughts, if you practise this regularly. It is a gentle, expanding meditation, that will prepare the way for deeper processes (to follow).

Sit down and prepare for meditation.
Set the alarm for twenty minutes.
Quieten your mind and take a few deep breaths.
Now turn your attention inwards.
Be with yourself both in mind and heart, i.e. in your thoughts and feelings.
Regard yourself as a completely new person and being. Your history no longer exists. Let it go. Let it flow from you. Allow it to peel away from your energy field. Relax even deeper.

Everything that you have done, that you have achieved, no longer exists. Let it go. Let it flow from you. Let it go, let it go. Your past is not you. Your past no longer exists. Let it go. Allow it to leave your energy field. Feel the emptiness that is being created. None of the decisions and choices that you have made up till now, is valid. You are in the present moment. There is only the present moment. It is empty and void. You are in the void. You are the void. Experience yourself and the absolute complete emptiness. Maintain your focus and awareness on the nothingness. Remain with the no-thing. Breathe the no-thing. Be the no-thing.

Stay in this space of awareness of nothing as long as you can. It may take a few practise sessions to fully relax into the acceptance that your past no longer exists. Observe your own thoughts and feelings, and continue to let go, let go, let go. This practise will take its own form and become your own personal experience and journey.

Remember, we never step into the same river twice.

blessings on your journey

Divine Mary Speaks : Fullness of the Heart

FULLNESS OF THE HEART -A message from Mother Mary, Keeper of the Sacred Heart and the Feminine Christ

From the fullness of the Heart you move into the full expression of Self into the world. Fullness of the Heart can be directly experienced through immense happiness, joy, ecstasy and indeed witnessed in Grace in everyday living. Fullness of the Heart is the doorway into the embrace of the Feminine Christ and indeed into radiant ecstatic living.

So it is obvious that if there is a perception or belief that the spiritual heart and the personal heart is empty, you will not be able to express or manifest outside of yourself; you will not be able to access your sacred desires and passions. All of these are your doorways into the ecstasy of God. Most of you have been conditioned and taught to run on half-empty - this becomes such a habit that you do not even realize that you are operating from a place of force rather than power. In the world of duality, such a feeling of scarcity and emptiness will then lead to greed and the belief in taking more than what you need and taking at the expense of others (and yourself) - it gives life to archetypes in your psyche which will devour you and your existence.

As this belief system is not in the Grace of Light and it does not exist on the level of your True Self, this becomes a split off from the Self and you develop a separate personality aspect that has the power to lead a separate existence – even unknown to your ego self! This self then grows and lives in the shadow of your True Self and in your unconscious darkness. The aspects of the personality act in stealth and they live ‘under the radar’ so to speak. They go quietly about their business, doing their best not to alert you to their subterfuge and existence. These aspects are often the saboteurs in your life and they are the ones that keep you stuck where you are and going round and round in circles. And indeed, this is part of their function.

They are designed by the mind as gatekeepers – guardians of the inner garden – they are there to keep you out of your sacred garden and to keep you ignorant of the potential that lies within. Should you wake up to their existence and you change your ways, they will have to die. The more invested and identified you are with their existence, the stronger their hold and control over you become. Symbolically they can be seen as usurpers of the kingdom and the false king/queen on the throne - they become your false masters. They rule without mercy and the inner garden becomes a wasteland under their rule. You become a stagnated being, subject to rules that you do not even understand and you go through life in a ‘trance’, hypnotized by their chants and mantras.

But the wonderful news is that if you are looking for answers and a new way of being with and in yourself, then the power of the trance has been wearing off. At a level, you are becoming rebellious or desperate enough to consider breaking out of the jail and overthrowing the government of the mind. You do not need to uncover and identify each and every aspect of the personality! You do not have to de-construct the construction that you created! You do, however, have to have the intent, dedication and commitment to ALLOW the deconstruction and most of all, you have to have faith and absolute trust in the Love and Grace of Soul.

When one first wakes up to the darkness within and all its shadows, the temptation to accredit this creation to the Ego and subsequently give it power, is very strong, But this is just another ploy by mind to take the credit and the glory in a skewed manner and thus to own your power again. This is where it is so important NOT to become identified with the mind and the body. You are neither. You are the True Self. Mind and body is the product of the world, created as a playground, or a school (whichever you choose to believe in). You did not create your mind. Neither did you create your body. You did not control your childhood and all its conditioning experiences, and so on. The Creator did and through awareness, surrender and acceptance you can allow the Creator (Your True Self/Soul/Christ) to dissolve the veil.

The fullness of the heart is your key into the other world. The fullness of the heart is the door into freedom, grace and bliss!! When the heart is full, the senses are satisfied and there is no subconscious belief in scarcity and lack of love. Love translates into the physical world as everything, i.e. objects, needs, desires, security, joy, happiness, clarity, creativity and it translates as the most basic fundamental material existence of needing an income, needing employment, a house, being able to provide for your family, being treated with love and respect and everything else that you need to exist in a happy life. Therefore love is not only a feeling or even an action, nor is love limited to personal relationships : ultimately love is yourself. Love is all that there is.

Love is the very fabric that you are made of and Love is the nature of God.

Thus, it is obvious, that where your mind creates its own sub-beliefs that exclude the presence of Love (which it by its very nature it will do), it will separate you from your wholeness and it will cast shadows in your life. It is also true that Love does exist everywhere at all times, even in the shadows, but this is only obvious and known to you when you have let go sufficiently of your mind-body identification and you are detached from the importance of the self.

When I use the word 'heart', I refer to the High Heart or the Spiritual Heart. Your ultimate desire and longing is for conscious realisation of union with God. When this desire is fulfilled, all needs are met.

When the divine Fire splits into Light and Flame, you have the duality of Will and Desire - thus the play between the archetypes and their shadows. These create the divine play of polarity and duality for you - they provide the tension so that you can create and the secret is not to become identified with either the 'good' or the 'bad' archetypes. It is to witness this play in yourself with love, ie with acceptance. Acceptance that this is the way it is meant to be; that it serves a purpose in your life and just because you do not know or understand yet, it does not mean that it should not be this way. Intellectually, there are many explanations and belief systems and traditions. These are all attempts by the human mind to either understand or to put into words the direct knowing which is being experienced beyond the veil. Have your own direct experiences and know for yourself. Bhakty, the act of devotion by the surrendered self, will grant you these direct experiences.

Although all of this sounds very mystical, the spiritual life is a practical, grounded way of living. It is a softening of your boundaries, a dissolving of identity and a letting go of your attachment to how you think things (including yourself and your reactions and your behaviour) should be and should not be. It is actually a much easier and much simpler way of living, than the way of the mind!

The five steps of the path of love will take you to the door of the Heart and its servant of bhakty .

Firstly, let go of your defences and allow yourself to become vulnerable. When you practise allowance this activates Love into Action! Through your willingness to hand over control of your life, you are putting your Soul into the driver's seat of your journey and this is true surrender. Surrender to the principle of Love. In order to surrender, you have to access your own willingness to trust and to develop faith. Faith is a skill - it has to be developed through the consistent effort of surrender. As you can see the entire process calls forcommitment and the willingness to persevere, despite appearances.

Through continual surrendering to a greater power, letting go of trying to control your identity and your experience, you will expand into a greater sense of self. Layers of conditioning and habitual action and patterning can just fall away. Your consciousness changes without you having 'done' anything and miracles start to happen. And, finally, you live in acceptance, a subtle shift, a bridge into a state of peace and fullness of heart.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Divine Mary Says - the kiss of Light

It is a soft dawn sprinkled with the drops of birdsong.
In the sky the new moon is hanging just above the rising sun.
I ponder my statue of Mary on a pillar and what this symbology
means.  I know that there is a Mary on the Pillar in the cathedral
in Chartres which I am set to visit in September.

Cloaked in the haze of the morning light, intense bliss rises in me,
both tightening and releasing my heart and chest simultaneously
and I hear the voice of Mary. 

'You are not who you think you are.  It is not necessary,
and at times quite pointless, to hang on to your weaknesses,
foibles and strengths with such intent and focus.
Your nature may not always please you,
or suit your idea of who you are.
The more you resist what is happening in your life
and the more you resist your nature,
the greater the wall which is blocking the light.
Only the warmth of the Light and its spiritual
qualities of acceptance, compassion, 
understanding and peace, can 
bring life back to the barren wasteland that lies
behind that wall.

Seekers do not realise that it appears to them that they
are indeed making choices, but this is very seldom true.

You are a compilation of impressions, feelings, reactions,
memories, half-felt emotions, fleeting desires and wishes
and unexplored and half-lived dreams.
You carry within you the memories of all time.
At times you may appear to be a book, its pages the
Keeper of all stories ever told and at other times
you may feel like the blank pages, ready to be written onto.
Both of these ideas may drive you to frustration,
and into trying to become either or both or even
to transcend the human experience by side-stepping
the creative dance of creating and destroying.

But you are so much more than
all of the above.  Within you lies the Godseed, dormant,
waiting on the Kiss of Light.  Only the mind, with its
ideas like clouds in the sky, is obscuring the Light
from awakening the Tree of Life within you.

A mind locked down with ideas and concepts and beliefs
of how you should be, is like concrete poured down onto
a pavement.  It is only with the wearing away of time and
weather that cracks can form, through which the tendril
of a soft new plant can grow.  This tiny plant has the 
potential to become the beanstalk 
that will take Jack into the heavens
of the giant.

A mind concretized with set ideas and theories, is the greatest
obstacle to peace and ongoing 'enlightenment'.
There is so much that you are unaware of.
You can only see through your own lens of perspective
and perception.  You only have a choice between
fear and love.  When fear is the stone buried at the
foot of the tree of life, then all those living tendrils and
branches  will be weakened and twisted by fear.
However, if your Philosopher's Stone is cast in love,
then the Tree of Life will be rooted in the Real.

Only that which is Unchanging is Real and True.
The mind changes constantly.  Thoughts are blown like
clouds in the winds of the body.

The mind and body absolutely fears and resists change.
on all levels. 
There is a saying, 'rather the devil you know'
Then there is the great inner Judge thrown into the mix as well.
And the desire for self-improvement.
All of these are fertilised by the idea that who you are is not
good enough and that you and your life should be different.
Your life can look different and your experiences can
be different.  You can achieve goals and have your
desires and wishes fulfilled

But you can also have peace and harmony,
joy and human understanding,
compassion and love for everything and
everyone, right now, without making any
changes and definitely without improving yourself
or your life.

That moment of absolute alignment with the
Spirit within, is the kiss of the Light.
And all you need for that to happen, is to drop everything.
By that I mean that you can let your mind
and its many doors and passages and rooms, drop away.
Over and over.
Every day
Every time

I found this beautiful image on the internet - if you are the photographer please let me
know and I will add your name.

The boundary and limitation
that time creates, is the wall around the garden of Eden
and your willingness to enter naked,
leaving the fear behind, opens the gate
and makes it possible for you to
receive the inner Kiss

The biggest secret is that there is no secret.
Everything in every moment is as it should be.
Actions taken in Time have set the wheel of destiny
in motion and only a Philosopher's Stone of Love
combined with the Kiss of Light
has the alchemical power to break the bonds of time.

Teaching yourself to live in alignment with the Spiritual Sun
and the Light of God, is a skill.

In order to acquire this skill, you have to tame and master
your mind to accept either fear or love.
That is the only choice you have.

In every moment you can ask yourself :
what would Love do?
One can replace Love with Acceptance or
Surrender to God, or to the Great Spirit,
or the Tao or the Unlimited, Eternal and Unchanging.

Does my action or reaction imply Love or Fear?

When you criticize yourself for getting angry - ask yourself
is that response based in fear or love?
If I root myself in the Real, in Love, would I
judge anger and deem it as a 'negative' reaction?
And why would I do that?
Is it because I fear that it will drag me down into
dark emotional depths which I fear?
And is it that I believe that God is not in the
darkness and that I will be separated from
my Creator?

Is it because you fear 'losing yourself'?
That would imply that yourself is the True Self.
How better to allow the True Self, the one that is
aligned with the Light, the Spiritual Sun within,
to emerge by losing the false self?

The self is a set of ideas and beliefs grounded
in the belief that you are separate from your Creator.
The mind that creates this limited self is intent
on keeping you bound in this belief system and it will
show you many other theories and paths and
systems that support this theory.
As long as you believe that you have been cast
out of the garden and that you are now
begging outside the walls of the castle,
you will try to find the key to the secret door
which does not exist.

You are the Keeper of the Castle and you can only
stay the beggar whilst you allow your mind
to talk you into holding that begging bowl up
to God, begging for that which you have already
been given.

You have the power to put any theory to the test
and to be transformed by your own realisations.
You are standing in the Light and each moment
that you open your heart and you accept yourself
and your nature and the many selves that you have created,
you will receive the kiss of Light.

And I ask you to share your love with everyone,
as we are all the One.'

Ave Maria

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Why Sacred Drama?


Why enact the Sacred Dramas from the Lesser Mysteries?
I give you here a compilation of my own thoughts and information
found on the net and in books on this sacred ancient spiritual practise.

Rebirth requires descent; this is one of the mysteries. The ascent to another way of being, the ascent of transformation, cannot occur without disintegration, without the process of breaking down completely -- being pulverized really, physically, emotionally, spiritually. If the container of self is not smashed, the vision cannot enter. The vision is the flash of light that re-organizes the self. Afterwards, if one is fortunate and graced by the generosity of the gods -- one reconstitutes, or is reconstituted, according to the laws and principles of a new life, a new dimension, a new world, a new universe.

Descent takes place in our ordinary lives through sickness, ill health,
addictions, insomnia, frustration of goals and ideals, repeated failure
to manifest your goals, the loss of a loved one, through betrayal
and abandonment.  Re-enacting the sacred drama leads to a deeper
understanding and wisdom of the trials and tribulations of
daily life and its abduction into the Underworld.

     What distinguishes any Mystery religion, is that it is based upon mysteries. Its rites and practices take us deeper and deeper into the labyrinth or the underworld where we examine a series of unanswerable and awesome questions and, are, accordingly, altered by this willingness to enter and be worked upon by the elemental forces that live in the domain of the unknown and unknowable. This is not descending into chaos, though it feels chaotic when we are there. It is entering into domains that cannot be understood in the ways we generally seek and convey understanding. It is entering into worlds that operate by different laws altogether. Integrity is required and so we must be reconstituted; this is the way of transformation.

Enacting the Mystery of the Rape of Kore and the return of Persephone, Queen of the Underworld.

     But even more than this was at stake when the Mysteries were practiced. When the mystes offered themselves up to the rite of initiation, the gods, as they do everywhere when carefully and consciously evoked, came forth and made themselves known. Persephone was said to have appeared. This was the epiphany. How that occurred we do not exactly know, for participants were prohibited to speak about it on pain of death, and also, the experience was ineffable, meaning it is impossible to put such an experiences into words.

   Kore is pulled down into the underworld. Ultimately, she loses her innocence, gains a name and a Presence. The name is Persephone, Queen of Hades.

     This is what is not told in the myth: How did this transformation take place? What actually occurred during those three months in Hades when the innocent nameless one took on the Presence of the Goddess? What are the details of descent, deconstruction, and reconstitution? What do physicists imagine happens to someone who speeds through the worm hole from one dimension or universe to another? What happened to Christ in the three days before the resurrection? Where is the map of initiation that we must follow to shattering and breakdown before we are sufficiently transformed to emerge elsewhere? What is the process through which we are altered so that we can go through the door to the next world?
 but that it was our intent to, simultaneously, recapitulate the ordeal of the Mysteries, retell the story of Persephone, and, to perform our own individual stories of descent and vision. We had the task of creating the vision, the flash of light from out of the dark earth of ourselves so that for an instant, for a the moment of epiphany, we would each see and became, the arrhetos koura, the "ineffable maiden," the dark Queen.

     It is inevitable as we re-enter the myth and the rituals, the moments of being dragged down, held captive, struggling for release and finally bursting forth in flames, the intense concentration of our particular individual agonies and ordeals, the disintegration and reconstitution that we each individually experienced, that we would become both "Brimo the queen of the dead giving birth in fire" and her mighty son, Brimos, and so, emerge like Dionysus, who is also central to these Mysteries, reborn, twice born.

     That is we were new born and we were ancient. To fully negotiate the domain of Persephone, to carry the wisdom and insight of the underworld, to be able to live according to the dark vision of Hades is to be as old as it is possible to be. Yet to be suddenly reconstituted in this new plane is to be reborn, and to be reborn is to be new and innocent; it cannot be any other way.

At this point in the Mysteries, one begins the long climb back to the earthy realm of the Mother, of Demeter, carrying the old wisdom like a great fire, or a small seed that will be planted again. But the one who carries such insight and vision into Demeter’s world, can neither be the Kore, the innocent one, nor Persephone of Hades. And though the Eleusinian Mysteries are the rites of Demeter, the earth goddess does not, herself, descend into the underworld. There is only one who incorporates all the worlds at once: She is Hekate, the goddess of child birth and death, the old one who, it is said, led Persephone out of Hades and who, from then on, never left her side, following her in the endless cycle of descent and rebirth. Hekate, the old one, who is by her nature constituted around the Kore as a seed within herself. Hekate who mediates between and contains all the worlds at once. Hekate, the Three in One, the Triple Goddess incarnate. The constantly shifting dynamic, the co-existence and co-extension of all the realms, is Hekate’s esoteric and embodied domain.

One way or another each kore went through his or her own individual disintegration, and then after the vision, after epiphany, returned, but transformed, to his or her own individual and parallel universe, as Persephone had returned to the earth realm of Demeter transformed – reborn

We may appear to be the same afterwards and we will not have words for it no matter how hard we try, but we will no longer be who we once were. When we are together with citizens of the new world into which we have been born, we recognize this among ourselves. We speak another language. We see what we have not seen before. We enter into dialogue with the spirits of this other world. This is the way and means of initiation. To enter into the mysteries is to be initiated. And to be initiated is to be able to walk in an other dimension.

       It was said that those who once enacted the Mysteries would gain their immortal souls in this world and in the next. To gain a soul is to gain the ability to walk in two worlds, to be admitted to that other dimension inhabited by the gods. The only way across is the arduous and mysterious path of dying to what one was and is so that one can be reborn.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

The Law of Attraction is not true

This is a wonderful post published by the Cosmic Cowgirl University
and Shiloh Sophia 
and I could not have said it any better!
A wonderful read!


Dear One,

I want to talk about this. Are you up for it. What if I don’t believe the law of attraction is true? What if I think the Law of attraction isn’t true? The thing is, that it doesn’t always work. So how can it be called a law and or a truth? If something is a law it is supposed to mean that it is true all the time. Unless it isn’t. What if the law of attraction isn’t true at all times? Only sometimes? Would it still be called a Law?
This conversation is an invitation to think for yourself. I have inserted some PROBE lights that you might wish to use to search your own thoughts – and also provided a few of my own strong views on the topic. I am clearly not seeking agreement, but your own inquiry. Oh, you want to know what I want out of the dialogue? Thanks for asking. No I am not upset but yes I am HOT on this topic and you might find me using my hands a lot and moving around but I promise I will try not to use the F word too much.
Here’s what I really want. I really want for us to question everything and to stop making assumptive spiritual and culturally popular choices without really testing them out first on ourselves, then test the theories out in terms of thinking about others who are suffering. Does it hold up, or no?
As the Chief of Cosmic Cowgirls my job is not to provide answers but questions that make us THINK. We are a tribe of creative beings who are willing to do the heavy lifting of removing veils of hidden assumptive beliefs and patterns so that we each might find our own way and when we find something that works, share it with another. (And fyi, my view is inherently built into the argument and I am not taking a partial view nor will I modify my concepts to accommodate other views in this particular dialogue)
I always say, what is true for the tree frog is true for me. If the tree frog in Northern California is living in poisoned waters, was that the destiny of that specific tree frog distinct from a tree frog in the Amazon? Is it personal at all or is it collective or is it just the chaos or our human story and destiny. Is the tree frog innocent of the crime? Am I? Or are we all implicated except the animals? What do you think? I think the tree frog was caught in the crossfire of ignorant human behavior – but I don’t think it is her froggie destiny, or mine to be poisoned. It may happen, is happening, and was it destiny? Is it really my story? Or the human story? What is true here? Do you know? I think Truth with capital T is as rare as it gets and perhaps the most valuable unavailable resource on the planet.
So is law of attraction true all the time? In both the creating what you want and fearing what you don’t want concepts? Meaning – that if you really want to manifest something, you can make it happen and make your dreams come true….and if you really fear something you are causing it or calling it yourself? So if someone is afraid of getting hit by a car, or raped, or rejected again and again, if it happens, were they responsible for a part or whole of making it happen? I think this: Sometimes, but not all the time. So is it a law or is it aprinciple of possibility that we attract that which we are focusing on.
What about when a hurricane comes, is that a collective attraction? Would the Native Americans or the people of New Orleans or the orphans of the Sudan say that they caused, in some way the tragedy, personally or collectively? What if there is way more randomness than we think?
I actually abhor the thought our fear calls our fears to become real. And yes I do mean abhor, though I would rarely use that word in any instance. I don’t believe the universe works like that at all. The Universe feels far more intelligent than that from a vibrational standpoint and would be able to discern a fear from a desire in terms of what to bring into my life. But then, do I think the universe is the great dispenser of gifts – anyway? Is it that personal? Or perhaps it is way less personal than we think. Is the universe and impartial judge of delivering good and bad?
I think whether one believes in God or not can make an impact on our experience of what comes to us as well. I know
 that in the spiritual tradition I work with, it is expected that hardship will come, and in fact the reality that it comes means that one is on the RIGHT track instead of the wrong track. It is a common thought these days that if things are lining up for you then you are being supported but if they aren’t flowing you should turn back or that you are doing something wrong. I wonder if Martin Luther King would agree that resistance signals a time to turn back. Do you? What do you think the legends of times past would think about hardship verses flow and ease? Think of people you admire greatly and ask yourself what you think their thoughts were when things went wrong in whatever revolution they happened to be heralding. We all love an easeful flow, and yes it is like that a lot, but when it isn’t, what story are you telling yourself?

I remember early in my career trying to make it as an artist, during one very dry spell, a friend said to me: Well it is obvious the universe isn’t supporting you, Shiloh. And I thought to myself – abundance as a reward for good thoughts is not always evidence of being supported by the universe – if that was so, there would be much less of a income disparity amongst our people. Do we really believe that health and wealth are always a result of one soul’s spiritual journey and thoughts – or are there other factors at play? And what about those getting rich off the despair of others as in the case of prostitution and child trafficking. Did that child call that upon themselves through thoughts/family lines/individual karma? If it isn’t true for that child is it true for me? I can create what I want, but meanwhile, they cannot? What is coming up for you? Again, my intent here is to cause you to dig deep in towards what you THINK and to know it and know how to talk about it instead of just accepting someone else’s view including my cardboard sign. What would your cardboard sign say?
Perhaps it comes down to what you think of as ’cause’ – less about what you made it mean after it happend, but more, HOW it got there in the first place.
Perhaps the biggest evidence I have for the law of attraction being BS as a total law is this. I don’t believe in a law of the universe that makes people feel guilty about what they are not able to create in their lives. In short, working with hundreds of women who are in various stages of illness, breakthough, breakdown, break up and the tyranny of thinking that everything that befalls them is their fault is the most relentless captive yet  – way worse than self esteem or the critic on her own. No, this is so invasive it is almost cellular because something within us really wants to believe there is a clear obvious reason for everything and that there are not mistakes and that we are cause – as if that will make us feel better. But it doesn’t. Thinking everything happens for a reason does not make the Mother who lost her baby at birth feel better. Thinking that my highschool friend who just died and had to say goodbye to her husband and son was supposed to somehow be a part of either creating that or eliminating that didn’t make her feel better and in didn’t work. There are LOTS of positive, great powerful, self expressed people dying, not from drugs and despair, but from the disease we have created on this planet – so at what point does that become personal instead of collective?
Jesus says the truth will set you free.
Gloria Steinem says, yes the truth will set you free but first it is going to piss you off.And what do I say, Truths are true all the time or they aren’t a truth.
I am speaking of TRUTH with a capital T, not personal truths, as in, my truth is… So if one is going to truly explore this conversation in the way that it needs to be explored then we need to examine words like Law/law and Truth/truth to  define the context of the conversation we are having.
Which brings me to the next important word: cause. Do you believe that you cause your own illness and tragedy all the time or just some of the time? It might be helpful to think of something that happened to you in the past or is happening, that you just plain wish didn’t happen – even if you were able to make it workable, you are willing to admit to yourself that you wish that didn’t happen. So. Do you or don’t you believe that thing happened specifically because of you and your path? Or.  Might someone or something else be at cause that has nothing to do with you – or do you believe it always has something to do with you if it crosses your path? Or does it only have something to do with you personally once it has crossed your path, as in, what you made it mean after the fact. We are good at taking hard realities and tying them with a tidy red lesson based bow to rationalize the madness in our lives. But just consider, were you or your life or your karma at ’cause’ for the occurrence or was it perhaps just crossfire or bad juju or demons or collective interference?
And so. Perhaps I have stirred an unwelcome pot. I am known for that, I don’t mind being the one to stir because part of my assignment in life is this: I will not go to sleep on the questions love asks. That means I often talk about stuff that gets me in trouble. Look – I don’t mind law of attraction concepts, I want to manifest as much as the next person. I just don’t want people to act like it is true all the time – I want us to talk about theories that include the end of violence and war and ignorance and lack of self expression, and you know what, those are often hard to talk about with people who think everything happens for a reason. My friend’s puppy that got ran over was not for a reason. It was an accident – why do we need to have ‘no accidents’? Is it our tremendous need for control that we want to feel like we caused everything good and bad so we have an illusion about what we are capable of?
Amongst my closest circle of friends this topic of “attraction” is perpetually in motion as we explore, debunk, try on for size new possible thought forms and how they work and don’t work. Many of us don’t feel we have answers, only more questions. I do feel it is important enough of a topic for us to be discussing it in a very frank up front way as in the sharing and defending of views helps us articulate what we really do think or surrender thoughts that no longer serve. So that we might serve others. I care what I think, not just because of my own beloved brain and heart, but because I am here to serve others and knowing where I stand helps guide those I serve to take their own stands – not mine, but their own. But our collective search lights light up the room for the deep digging works we have to do.
I refuse to look at my friends with cancer as if they caused their illness. With bald head gleaming and glitter on their eyelids, they have done well in surviving and creating a story that makes it possible to not be pissed off all the time. And they are tired of hearing people out loud and under their breath, think of them as having becoming ill because of some thought/fear. What they do about their illness and the story of it, is distinct for the CAUSE of it. If we cannot talk about cause we aren’t even in the realm of truth telling in the first place. The conversation has only barely begun if we aren’t willing to discuss cause.
The Future is Unwritten
But do I believe in the power of intention? And of intentional creating? You bet. I also believe in magic and miracles – that isn’t what I am talking about – I am talking about the HEADSET we are using to relate to what is happening in our lives, and how it works, especially the bad stuff. In the painting at the left it reads – It it better that the heart be broken 1000 times than never open at all. The Future is unwritten. It has a glass of red wine spilled in it. On the first date with my now fiance Jonathan he spilled red wine into the painting and I varnished it in there – and gave him some red thread. We didn’t see each other for a year and on our second date he basically asked me to marry him. Was I manifesting that? At some level yes I was hoping to – but did it come because of me? I think it came because of grace, which is a distinctive quality of surrendering to the divine. Did I call on it and dream for it/him to come – yes I did, I am not speaking in ANY way against asking for and knowing what we want and calling on it with all of our might – the question is what are you thinking about the year in between the first two dates? The mind and heart want to make up reasons. I know I sure did. Where any of them true? No one knows, therefore it is not a truth. The future is unwritten. I got lucky this time, and I like to call that luck grace. But really I have no idea. And yes I often imagine it was that red wine and red thread that kept us connected in that long year in between dates.

So. What is fate or destiny? Are we just meaning makers trying to make ourselves feel better about the way things are? Do you think there is real sanity to it all, or is it madness and chaos?
Bad things are happening to good people and good things to bad people all the time. Is there justice in it at all? Do we know? HOW is this all happening anyway? With our earth and peril and our children being trafficked and our dolphins seeking refuge in livable waters we must truly be willing to have conversations that make us move to the edge of our seats. In wonder and awe we should contemplate together, the nature of the universe and the way to bring healing to our world. Might I suggest we do that over a cup of tea, minus any collective or self imposed guilt sandwiches. There are no guilt sandwiches or shame pies served at the Red Thread Cafe. Only cups of steaming inquiry and a fair amount of organic chocolate so the muses don’t abandon us at midnight. As conversations of this nature will often take us late into the night. And, they should. Because if we hope to cause a revolution, and we do, I hope you do too, then we need to speak the unspeakables, be willing to be uncomfortable in our own circles and risk dancing the edge alone as needed.
Now I know I have barely touched the surface of this very immense topic and I am not meaning for it to be a total view and several of my best friends who read this will be sure to tell me, NO, that isn’t exactly how the law of attractions works according to the best sources on the topic etc… SO that said I am not intending a comprehensive overview I am am opening a dialogue with some points of inquiry. I don’t claim to have the whole story, just working here with the surface popular views of the topic so we can get to the roots.
Here is a quote from Abraham, a very popular source of information about the Law of Attraction.
“You are meant to succeed, and failure should feel bad to you. Life is supposed to go well for you—and when it does not, there is something wrong. But what is wrong is not something that is outside of you over which you have no control. What is wrong is within you—and you do have control. And taking control is not difficult to do once you understand the basis of who-you-are and the basics of the Law of Attraction”
Now, I take exception with part of it. If life doesn’t go well for you, something is wrong. Then our whole day may be filled with a feeling of unworthiness since so many things go wrong all the time. Something going wrong is part of what is normal in a world where the conditions are not pristine – when we are subject to being in the presence of malice and greed right next door. And dare I say, taking control really isn’t that easy – since we are not in control of the air we breath, how can we be in control of how everything goes for us?

Or this one really gets me:
You get the essence of what you think about—whether you want it or not—because Law of Attraction is unerringly consistent—therefore, you are never only telling the story of “how it is now.” You are also telling the future experience that you are creating right now.
I don’t know of anything that is unerring and I don’t believe in a Creator or a Universe that will bring me what I don’t want because I am afraid of getting it. That is not my experience at all – if so, abused children would be creating their own abuse. How could that be so?
So my dear one, if you have hung in there with me this long and you are still at the cafe, come join me for the conversation. Perhaps I am just handing out my famous hot pink permission slips that say -

You are ok right where you are and no you are not responsible for all of your suffering dear one.
and that say: Yes you are right that it can be hard manifesting on the physical plane when you feel sick all the time, let’s just start with one thing, and no, it isn’t your fault. and one that says: You are worthy of all love and goodness, and no it doesn’t always come on time. That is the time to tug on the red thread and reach out, you are not alone.
And this: Mistakes do happen. What we do with them is up to us. And the key is to forgive ourselves and move forward, not make everything mean something when perhaps we just got caught in someone else’s web.

Feeling responsible and at cause for every bad thing that happens to us does not often induce healing. Acknowledging that bad things do sometimes happen to good people through no fault of our own, and then seeking forgiveness for ourselves and others where we are able can create healing after long spells of feeling unwhole and unholy.
This letter is signed from the farthest back seat of the cafe. If you are coming, good, there are a lot more of us than you might think that are interested in having this conversation. I have on my raspberry beret, my Che tee shirt, and my journal and a whole bunch of sharpies. I’ll buy. What’ll you have?

Will I regret hitting post today and sharing this with you. Probably, but I will do it anyway. I desire to be a part of eradicating the guilt that plagues our people who often feel unable to create the lives they want. Not all of us are created equal in the department of what we are able to manifest – and the last thing I want is for the struggling person to also feel unworthy about what they are not able to attract.
In closing I only have a few words of healing for the bad things that happen – forgiveness, acceptance and where acceptance is not possible, resistance.
Chief Laughing Cloud. Shiloh Sophia

Hettienne Ma BhaktyMaria