The journey of kundalini awakening is one of making the unconscious conscious. And obviously you are battling yourself. On the one hand you are trying to keep your mind safe against the content of the unconscious and on the other hand you are trying to uncover the unconscious. You are indeed hanging on the cross of two polar opposites. Belief systems is what creates this world of illusion and also which keeps your unconscious tightly locked up in its Pandora box.
Sent from my i