It is easy to see GOD in another or in a relationship, when the other loves and supports you. It is even easier to know that this is GOD when you are swept up in an amazing, ecstatic love with a special another. But it is not that easy to remember and to see that it is also GOD when you are brought down by a chronic or terminal disease; when you are drawn into a relationship with another that sucks the life out of you or when you are followed by hardship and challenges.
A soulmate or the love of your life; finding a partner that will bring you wholeness - these are all popular archetypal journeys that are shown to us as the ideal. Even the yearning and search for the holy Beloved; the Higher Self or Self-Realisation and those infinite moments of at-one-ness. But this is only a small part of the picture. In fact, all ideals and idealisations are the worship of idols. Each time you decide that this is how it is or how it should be, you are creating an idol in your own image.
Humanity suffers from deep seated feelings of limitation, feelings of separation, abandonment and impoverishment. These feelings and beliefs are further entrenched and conditioned into you by the trinity of culture, religion and myth. But within each and everyone of you there is an infinite Self; a Spirit beyond imagination; an ability and capability to rise above every possible limitation and restriction. This great capacity can also be evoked in a violent and cruel manner.
But that which is within you, is GOD. GOD is your true nature. Your true nature behind the conditioning, the beliefs and the rules by which you live. It is probably one of the most difficult stages of the spiritual journey and it presents itself over and over, until you have completely surrendered to That Which Is : how to discern what is Thy Will?
It is a lengthy process to try and discern when is it ego, when is it mind, when is it true nature? All your conditioning will come into play. All that you have been taught that you are, will come into play. And time after time, you may feel that you have 'failed'.
When the desired outcome is not achieved, you may feel that you have made wrong choices. When you are overcome by a long term or debilitating illness, you may believe that you have lived out of alignment with your true nature. But is this so?
GOD IS. There is no plan or specific destiny; there is no agenda. Ultimately GOD IS. Not good or bad. Beyond all the stories and struggles is an infinite capacity and infinite Well of Love. (I use the word Love in its highest sense; that of unconditional acceptance and that which translates into duality as infinite compassion)
And You are from that Source. GOD is your essential nature and your Spirit. GOD is your very fabric and your every breath. GOD is in your breath, in your throbbing heart, in your flesh. You are in GOD's mind even when GOD is not in your mind.
So, how would you become aware of GOD, your Source. You can imagine GOD; you can pray to GOD; you can try and express GOD. But all of these will merely invoke and create an idea of God, as opposed to GOD, and it will limit your own infinity and it will prevent your Spirit from manfiesting in this world.
You are here to become the embodiment of GOD in this world. - in your own unique way.
When you have been swallowed by a relationship or a series of events (much like Jonah and the whale) and you come out the other side, with the overwhelming thought and realisation of : "what happened? who am I? how did I end up here?..... then you realise that there is a power greater than yourself. But pain is not welcomed and so the first reaction is "this is wrong" ' "this should not have happened to me", 'this is not what I think God is, or what God will do'.
Or the most popular notion : 'it is not positive, therefore it cannot be of God'. So we call it the shadow or the dark side of the self. But in actual fact, it is only the unexplored and unknown part of the Self which is revealed to you in that experience. And yes, it shows that you are so much more than what you believe yourself to be. And yes, GOD is nothing like what you thought he/she was. And then the true seeking may begin. You have woken up!
And there are many opportunities for waking up to an ever increasing truth and realisation. So when you feel that you have been dragged down to an incredible pit of despair or pain or hopelessness. do not judge this to be 'wrong' or 'bad'. Cease desisting. Surrender all resistance. Welcome GOD in whatever form she chooses to reveal herself to you.
Use the fear that arises to deepen your own seeking and your spiritual practise; use this opportunity to truly accept that GOD is present in each and every breath and let the whale disgorge you on a new beach!
*G-D, the unspeakable as opposed to God, the man-made projection and idea