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Thursday, October 25, 2012

Conquering the Dragons

When you are controlled by the dragon/ego/parasite, you are a mind-controlled slave of your own fears and defensive habits.  Your behaviour is predictable and often painful or you experience a complete absence of vitality.

 To be free of dragons, you must develop and exercise will, or intention.  Will is the ability to exercise choice in your life, rather than being controlled by the dragon.  Will is necessary to become a spontaneous and creative  human being.  Will is the dynamic focus that makes things happen in your life.  Will helps you manifest your vision.  Without a vision you have no hope of transforming the dragon because you do not know where you are going or why you are alive.

 Vision is only possible when you see the big picture of how your actions influence the world around you.  The context or background of your life is the ground upon which your will acts.

 Will represents the masculine qualities of life and the context or background upon which you act represents the feminine or magnetic qualities of life. 

Masculine will is only productive when it works in harmony with the feminine, supportive context of the big picture.  In the same way, the context of life is inert unless it is acted upon by the will.  Vision is the product of will and context working together.

The necessary ingredient to get will and context to work together is gratitude, also known as recognition.

 Gratitude in your own life brings your intentions into harmony with your life.

 The greater respect you have for your life and for all that lives, the greater the possibility of transforming the dragons to live in freedom and joy.


 Each dragon has its weapons, but the most powerful weapon to conquer any dragon is mindfullness  and meditation.

 The dragon uses the constant chatter in your mind to control your personality.

A disciplined mind cannot be controlled against its wishes.

 You can remain free if you remember what feeds the dragon so that you know what to deprive them of.  Dragons thrive on fear and fear comes from perceiving that you are separate.  Any kind of discrimination and judgement feeds the dragons.  To judge that you are better than others feed the dragons.  To judge that you are inferior to others feed the dragons. To be judgemental is to separate yourself from others, and when you do that you make your love conditional. 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

More on the dragons ..........


Arrogance Dragon
The fear of vulnerability as well as the fear of being judged negatively; confusion over self-worth. People with this dragon swing from feeling inflated and special to experiencing puncture and deflation.  Their fear pattern includes aloofness, shyness, remoteness, performance, anxiety, false personas, vanity, criticalness and narcissism.  They attempt to be perfect in others’ eyes, and were compared to high standards as children.

Self-Deprecation Dragon
The fear of being inadequate or poorly equipped for life; low self-esteem, sometimes called an inferiority complex.  People with this dragon have a fear pattern that includes cringing, apologizing, shrinking, self-deflation, and inner criticism.  They avoid criticism by criticizing themselves first, and were put down as children.

Impatience Dragon
The fear that time will run out. People with this dragon rush, are intolerant, experience heavy stress, try to do too much in too short a time and are constantly in future fantasies.  They are not present, can be accident prone, and were deprived of experience as children.

Martyrdom Dragon
The fear of being trapped by circumstances or outside forces. People with this dragon complain, whine, act ‘poor me’ and are oriented toward being victims.  They are excellent at creating guilt in those around them, and were forced to be constantly obedient as children.

Greed Dragon
The fear that there is not enough to go around.  People with this dragon have a fear pattern that expresses itself in addictive behaviour, hoarding, coveting, amassing or depriving themselves and others.  Their greed tends to fixate on food, power, sex, wealth, or something.  They were abandoned as children.

Self-destruction Dragon
The fear of losing control.  People with this dragon are addictive, violent and suicidal.  They exhibit wild behaviour or desperate self-sabotage.  They may not live long because they cannot find meaning to life.  As children, they were abused and abandoned.

Stubbornness Dragon
The fear of authority and sudden change.  People with this dragon have a fear pattern that is expressed in rebelliousness, rigidity, obstinacy, argumentativeness, hardheaded behaviour, a refusal to listen and a refusal to submit.  They try to slow down events to buy time.  As children, they were given no options and were forced to do what they were told.


Each of the dragons alter’s people boundaries in significant ways.

Arrogant people create rigid boundaries around themselves to wall themselves off from hurt and criticism.  When they are in doubt about their self-worth, or if they are shy, they retreat from others.  They can also fall into intrusiveness when they assume too much importance and disregard the boundaries of others. 

People with self-deprecation are notorious for their lack of boundaries.  They are in doubt about their value and their right to be alive, so they tend to omit necessary boundaries, letting others do as they please with them. 

 Their primitive form of boundary is a brittle defensiveness that falls apart easily.  They hardly ever intrude on others’ boundaries.

Impatient people push through others’ boundaries in order to hurry them up.  They also tend to have a very poor sense of where they are.  Their boundaries can be elusive but are by no means completely absent.
Martyred people are calculating about how they allow others to intrude upon them.  They appear to have no boundaries at all, but they actually have more control than they show.  They make a business out of relinquishing their boundaries.

Greedy people are famous for intruding on others and failing to respect others’ boundaries.  However, they defend themselves against receiving and place too many rigid boundaries on themselves.  That is the deprivation side of greed.

Self-destructive people have a dual approach to boundaries.  They are difficult to reach and have rigid defenses against intimacy.  However, they tend to be sloppy about respecting others’ boundaries and they intrude on others in violent ways.

People with stubbornness have rigid, inflexible boundaries.  They draw their lines in the sand over arbitrary issues that are typically fears of oppression projected onto others.  If others crash through their brittle boundaries, they can become deeply depressed or overwhelmed with despair.  Stubborn people do not necessarily invade others’ boundaries;  they are more protective of their own.

 The following dragons are the effect or symptom of the active dragon in your psyche.
Action Dragons
Dragons that stop constructive action : martyrdom and impatience

Assimilation Dragon
The dragon that stops absorption of information : Stubbornness

Expressions Dragon
Dragons that stop expression : self-destruction and greed

Inspiration Dragon
Dragons that stop inspiration : self-deprecation and arrogance

Narrow-focused dragon
Personality fear patterns (dragons) that narrow people’s sphere of influence : martyrdom, self-deprecation and self-destruction


Pervasive developmental disorders -
Autistic disorder : stubbornness

Specific developmental disorders -
Mostly stubbornness and impatience

Disruptive behaviour disorders –
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder : impatience
Conduct disorders : mostly self-destruction
Oppositional defiant disorder : stubbornness

Sadism : self-destruction
Voyeurism : greed, arrogance

Sexual disfunctions –
Hypoactive sexual desire disorder : greed
Sexual aversion disorder : stubbornness, arrogance
Female sexual arousal disorder : impatience, stubbornness, arrogance
Male erectile disorder : impatience, stubbornness, arrogance
Inhibited orgasm : stubbornness, martyrdom
Premature ejaculation : impatience

Sleep disorders –
Insomnia : impatience, martyrdom

Factitious disorders – martyrdom

Impulse control disorders –
Intermittent explosive disorder : self-destruction, greed
Kleptomania : self-destruction, greed
Gambling : self-destruction, greed
Pyromania : self-destruction, greed

Personality Disorders –
Paranoid : arrogance, martyrdom
Schizoid : self-deprecation
Schizotypal : arrogance, self-deprecation

Antisocial : self-destruction
Borderline : self-destruction, arrogance, self-deprecation, impatience, greed
Narcisistic : greed, arrogance

Avoidant : self-deprecation
Dependant : self-deprecation
Obsessive compulsive : arrogance, stubbornness
Passive-aggressive : stubbornness, martyrdom

 Extracted from the book Conquering your Dragons by Jose Stephens.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Transforming your dragons


Years ago I read a powerful book written by Jose Stevens, 
entitled Transforming your Dragons;  How to turn fear patterns into personal power. 
 Here are some of the most pertinent points summarised :


Dragons are false selves created by ourselves in order to protect us from pain. They are fear related and designed to act as a defense reaction. Dragons are sustained by your thoughts, sponsoring thoughts and your deep-seated belief systems. 

Once you are aware of your dragon, you can tame it! 

The dragon only has power over you as long as you are unaware of it and that which drives it. In order to conquer your dragon you need to face your fear and begin to live your REAL self. You can achieve this by focusing on your positive aspects and by making decisions based on your strengths and not your weaknesses. You can use affirmations. 
You can use positive self-talk instead of destructive criticizing self-talk. 
You can follow this up with affirmative, self-supportive actions and habits. 

Remember that half the battle is won when you can recognize, accept and acknowledge the existence of your dragon. If you cannot recognize your own dragons, look at the mirrors offered by those closest to you. 

The Craving Dragon 
The Martyrdom/Victimhood Dragon 
The Impatience Dragon 
The Self-Destruction Dragon 
The Stubbornness Dragon 
The Pretension Dragon 
The Self-Devaluation Dragon

Complaining, resentful, guilt-inducing, ‘woe is me’ attitude, blaming, sighing, felt taken advantage of , long suffering, sacrificing, self-righteous 
Agonized, anguished, trapped, persecuted, victimized 

I am not okay. I am trapped. I must make others feel bad for causing my pain. I can win by suffering. 

 ‘Someone else/something else is always at fault, to blame for what happens to me.” The martyr feels victimised because he or she feels truly undeserving and worthless. I do not deserve anything but a rotten life. I need to suffer. I need to struggle to prove my worth. I am not worthy of having a wonderful great life. 
There is great fear that if you tell the truth about your own wants and wishes, nobody would want you. Demanding other people’s sympathy keeps you a victim. Your spiritual life might also enforce this dragon by finding glory in suffering and your self-made hell on earth. 


I create my own reality I am discovering more happiness every day 
There is a way through every problem 
I am able to have my needs fulfilled 
I am a valuable and worthwhile human being no matter what I do 
Life is getting better every day 


Tell the truth 
Stop using the strategy of manipulation; face your terror of feeling valueless. Tackle the inner rage that goes with fear. 
Draw boundaries Say No! Stop saying yes to things you do not like. Stop being ‘nice’ and ‘agreeable’. 
Stop complaining Give up the pleasure of sympathy of others. Sympathy is a poor substitute for life. 
Take responsibility Choose; see and accept alternatives – you are not ‘trapped’ except by your beliefs. 
Be willing to have fun Let others see and enjoy your pleasure – stop feeling you’ll be punished for it. 
Admit your needs Ask for help; become a team player – admit that you need the love of others 
Give up blaming and always being right It re-enforces your dragon to make others look bad and yourself look good and perfect. You don’t have to earn love by being perfect. 

Selfish, grasping, possessive, voracious, tight-fisted, covetous, materialistic, stingy, anorexic or bulimic, hoarding, promiscuous 
Deprived, hungry, unsatisfied, craving, empty, insatiable, denying, envious, craving, desirous 


I will take what I can get in place of the real thing and pretend I like it. Acquiring is a relief. Whatever I have is not what I want. Other people have what I want. I’ll have to take it. 

Just one more will bring me that feeling of satisfaction One more drink, one more takeover, one more lover, one more cookie, one more of anything will bring satisfaction – in the end they destroy all that you had, driving others away. In your spiritual life it means collecting guru’s, hunger for forbidden things – sex, material things. Craving people do not enjoy life because they are too worried about losing things, too focused on getting more of them. They live lonely lives. They are often unloved, unhappy and unfulfilled. 


The more I give, the more I get I thoroughly enjoy everything I have 
I am confident enough to face my sadness 
I love to share what I have with others 
I have everything I need or want in order to be happy 
I am completely satisfied with what I have 


Acknowledge that greed is a problem
Note the lack of satisfaction when you get what you craved 
Note how short-lived the satisfied feelings is 
Recognize your fixation Which craving keeps you tortured – food, power, sex, possessions? 
End the search Surrender, face your feelings of despair – deep down you know that what you crave will not satisfy you 
Recognize your true source of Satisfaction By denying your cravings you will identify what lies behind them – the real source of ‘hunger’ is for love and acceptance, to know your meaning and purpose in this world. 
Give to others Stop blaming others, what you give is what you get; learn to give love, time, compliments, bonuses 
Be kind and generous with yourself Accept and nurture yourself – there is no substitute. 
Enjoy what you already have - stop neglecting what you already have. Give up the search for something better. 
Make a list of what you have Give thanks for talents, relationships, abilities, material things 
Give something nice to yourself that you always wanted Every time you use it, feel glad you bought it. 


Drooping shoulders, meek, servile, lonely, resigned, disgraced, despised, intimidated, apologetic, bad posture, eyes downcast, chew lips/fingernails, pick nails, pull hair. 
OR Self-accusatory, self-condemning, self-reproaching, self-conscious, undeserving, disheartened 
BELIEF : I can’t do it, I will only be loved if I achieve. I am inadequate. 

THE BIG LIE : The more I admit to inadequacy, the better off I’ll be. The truth is that you are not winning by perpetuating an apologetic self, instead expectations of inadequacy are reinforced by experience of hopelessness and depression, feelings of defeat. Low self esteem is the cause of more illness than any other source. Lack of confidence is devastating on relationships. Half-hearted actions, fear of making decisions will re-enforce failure. The dragon destroys your spiritual life as well, since you are totally unworthy of saving – an inadequate sinner who will fail in spiritual quests. 


I am adequate to meet any experience in life. I am a lovable person, and I know I make an important contribution to the world. 
I am amazed at the success I experience in everything I do. 
I know that people like me and want to spend time with me 
I experience confidence in my ability to handle all the challenges that come my way 
I find it easy to accept compliments and praise 


Recognize that you are not the dragon It eats your energy, you are really in charge 
Acknowledge that you are afraid of being inadequate – this has caused you to underperform and avoid situations in which you should excel. Your inner child learnt to apologize constantly – liberate that child. 
Be willing to be successful – this requires taking risk – so take little risks at first, don’t start with big ones. 
Ruthlessly eliminate apologies – constant apologizing is a habit. Become conscious of the habit – but be patient with yourself, it will no be easy to modify your behaviour, keep at it. 
Expand yourself at every opportunity – breathe more deeply, stretch your body and mind and face the fears that this bring, bring some pride in yourself and into your life. Do things that will bring recognition. 
Validate yourself at all times – stop putting yourself down; switch off that inner critical voice; accept your value and your worth. Take action and make decisions. 
Give up the reward of being right about being a failure – allow yourself to succeed, to feel adequate, feel that you are equal to others. 


Vanity, witty, conceited, judgemental, sarcastic, smug, boastful, egotistical, perfectionism, supercilious, self-righteous, criticizing, self-important, big-headed, proud, cynical, inflated 
OR Self-conscious, shy, embarrassed, uncomfortable, distant, hard-to-reach, aloof, cool, suspicious, unavailable 

I must criticize others before they criticize me. I have a right because I know how to do things better. If they find fault with me I become aloof. 


You want to believe it, to impress others, but deep down you are not sure. You worry that someone will see through you and find you have no value; they will ignore you, or worse – they may humiliate you. So you keep up the act – and become lonely. You want them to draw you out (passive mode)

I am equal to, not better or worse than, other people Others experience me as warm and open 
I accept myself and other people 
I am proud of my accomplishments and do not need to advertise them, they are seen by others naturally 
I have become tolerant of criticism and learn from it 

Realize that you are not the Dragon – the true you is the person who is free of judgement 
Admit that you feel isolated – you do need others but the name-dropping, bragging and fancy clothes did not win friends – see the loneliness of your inner child and reclaim the real you 
Show vulnerability – be refreshingly imperfect – at your own pace, and with those you trust 
Pay attention to others – instead of assuming they are judging you, accept they are more concerned with their own affairs, not yours, - start noticing interesting things about people you meet, give them a word of support, of recognition, start serving others 
Let yourself be – the inner child has withdrawn, seeking shelter, believing it is unloveable and the world a frightening cruel place – nurture your inner child, accept and love yourself, you need kindness and compassion 
Release judgement of yourself and others – stop judging others; don’t criticize yourself. 
Be equal to others – respect is earned when it is also given; everyone is special in their own way. Let go of wanting to be better than others 
Come out of hiding – let go of withdrawal, aloofness, distance 

Headstrong, unco-operative, unbending, set in one’s ways, unpersuadable, immovable, contrary OR Inflexible, tenacious, relentless, willful, fixed, stuck, perverse, obstinate, determined 

BELIEF : Change is frightening 

People in authority rob me of power. They want to control me. Resist authority to preserve integrity. I can’t back down, right or wrong. Resisting the rules makes me win. My personal freedom and independence is threatened. 

THE BIG LIE : If I refuse to change, I am more powerful. 

It is a hollow victory, by refusing to budge, you alienate your friends and family; stubborn people end up victorious but alone. Others do not want to deal with such a difficult, inflexible person – this is the blueprint for loneliness and despair. It affects your health – you hearing, your back. This dragon leads to all others – arrogance, greed, impatience. This dragon can easily seem to be merely determined. Battles are often fought internally by engaging in internal dialogues. 


I have the courage to admit when I am wrong I am learning the art of compromise 
I am an excellent listener 
I like to do new and interesting things 
I enjoy implementing the suggestions and advice of others 
I learn a lot from my failures 


Learn to be flexible – Minds are like parachutes – they only work when they’re open – consider all the options 

Learn to say YES – try new things, go to new places, listen to suggestions for change 
Express yourself openly – don’t put things off – rather say you don’t want to and discuss it 
Listen with an open mind – silent opposition is a real ‘stubborn’ response – listen, and talk 
Come to terms with authority – stubbornness comes from lack of inner confidence – but you become what you resist – what happens when you become the ‘authority’? Are you oppressive too? 
Embrace change – accept that change is inevitable – we cannot stop it, use the opportunities that change brings 
Admit your mistakes and accept failure –don’t try and prove you are right when you are not, if you have made a bad decision, accept it – you won’t lose face. Stubbornness is based on fear, learn to let go. 

Reckless, daredevil, dangerous, delinquent, imprudent, suicide, wild, foolhardy, excessive, addicted, frantic, self-mutilating, anorexic, bulimic 
Out-of-control, hopeless, despairing, devastated, inconsolable, feeling futile, defeated 

I am alone and the world is scary and hostile. I am abandoned, I am bad and should be punished. I must be in control at all times. Death is better than life. 

More external control is the answer to the problem 
The truth is that over-control results in bigger problems (obsessive-compulsive behaviour) External control is no substitute for a deep sense of meaning, self-guidance and confidence. This dragon arises out of feelings of abandonment, emotional or physical abuse and unreasonable punishment as a child, a lack of self-worth, panic, despair, it seriously impacts on health, creativity and relationships 

I am able to find value and meaning in my life 
I have learned to respect myself and others 
The pain I have experienced helps me to help others 
I am strong enough to let go of the need for control 
I have wonderful people who care about me 
I am able to be a friend myself 

Realize that life is sacred – and has ultimate meaning; this needs courage 
Admit that you are out of control - don’t be afraid to give up pretending you have control; ask for help Admit that being in control is the real issue – gain control over your own reactions, the rest follows 
Set your sights on realistic goals – don’t aim unrealistically high; set small achievable goals 
Clean up the messes in your life – from romances to friendships to business – pay off your debts to others, and communicate, even if it means facing discomfort and upset 
Face your abuse of yourself and others – respect and take care of your body; abuse is an outrage 
Face the issue of abandonment – it is extraordinarily painful, it is devastating to face it – but it is essential to accept that we are each of us alone – and yet, never alone – recognize your relationship to others and the importance of that contact. You are here for a purpose, decide to live life. 

Excitable, brusque, cursory, snappish, short-tempered, short-fused, intolerant, abrupt, looking at watch often, rash, hasty, reckless, rude 
Nervous, anxious, jittery, agitated, impulsive, fretful, eager, impetuous, heedless, rushed 

BELIEF Time is something that there is too little or too much of 

THE BIG LIE: If I go faster, I can get to my goal quicker, and accomplish more – it’s better to hurry. Time is limited and it’s going to run out on you. 
The truth is that moving more slowly is more efficient and therefore more productive. Time cannot run out. Impatience contribute significantly to increased stress, especially the digestive and vascular systems, it accelerates the aging process, it hampers healing, it restricts creativity. Time is relative, stretchable, condensable. Time is a tool to be used – Be the master of time, not its slave. 

I have all the time I need to accomplish everything I want to in life 
Silence is beneficial to me 
Being mindful leads to fulfilling relationships for me 
I enjoy just being, without having to do anything 
The more relaxed my pace, the more I seem to accomplish 
Time is always on my side 


Experience unstructured time – learn to be in the moment. Enjoy spending time unplanned and spontaneously. Learn silence – cut out the endless mental dialogue. Stop being afraid of missing something and thus having radio, TV on while doing other things 
Cut out intrusions of TV, radio – develop intimacy with friends, your children by doing one thing at a time, seek peaceful environments 
Be graceful – move slowly, don’t rush, become aware of each muscle and movement 
Develop rhythm – life is rhythmic and when disrupted all goes wrong; when ill, allow time to heal; learn to relax. Communication is a rhythm of listening and speaking 
Be mindful – become aware of what you are doing while you’re doing it; notice what is happening in your mind,your body 
Learn the true nature of time – it’s all relative, the faster you go the slower you go. Mold time to suit you 
Play with time – spend the day without your watch – start weekends

..... more to follow.







Friday, October 19, 2012

Do you allow yourself to walk the little way?


My love, you are closer to me than myself,
you shine through my eyes.

Your light is brighter than the Moon.
Step into the garden
so all the flowers, even the tall poplar
can kneel before your beauty.

Let your voice silence the lily
famous for its hundred tongues.

When you want to be kind you are
softer than the soul but when you withdraw
you can be so cold and harsh.

Dear one,
you can be wild and rebellious but
when you meet him face to face
his charm will make you docile like the earth.

Throw away your shield and bare your chest
there is no stronger protection than him.

That's why when the Lover withdraws
from the world he covers all the cracks in the wall,
so the outside light cannot come through.

He knows that only the inner light
illuminates his world...! Rumi



The inner life asks for subtle and persistent awareness.
The secret life of the Soul is exactly that, secret, until you unearth Her. 
She has been cut into many pieces and scattered everywhere in your inner landscape. 
 She calls for a Hero with many different cloaks to fulfill the task of gathering Her pieces, prying them loose from behind rocks and fallen-down rubble of buildings and cutting through vicious thorn bushes. 
Oh, and beware of the Trickster, always ready to divert
 and distract you from the Truth at hand!
You see, you are the one who fragmented the goddess within and you are also the one that hid her from yourself. 
And furthermore, you are standing guard so that you will not easily find her!
Those who have gone before and who successfully completed their own mission,
 tells you that you need a 'clue'. 
 In the myth of  the goddess Ariadne and Theseus, Ariadne gave the hero a clue,
a ball of red thread.
You have your own personal red thread, whispering to you all the time.  Pointing out clues, creating pain and discomfort in your body;  thwarting your plans; closing doors in your face and so on.  Instead of falling down in self-condemnation and self-loathing when this happens, stop and smell the wind.  Stop the mental whirlwind and stop looking for control and bringing 'things back on track'.  Instead, look for the cool waters of compassion within and spend some time listening to the sounds of nature in your own body.
You are often fold to find the suppressed and oppressed feelings, but it is not that easy, is it?  These feelings have been suppressed for many many years and you have become a skilful master at hiding these feelings behind rationalisations, belief systems and habitual reactions and actions.
And the body is a wonderful barometer of the soul.
St Thereza of Lisieux was a Carmelite nun who coined the term 'the little way'. 
Her thouhts were  "Love proves itself by deeds, so how am I to show my love? Great deeds are forbidden me. The only way I can prove my love is by scattering flowers and these flowers are every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and the doing of the least actions for love."
If you accept that there is no separation, that man without ego is Divine, then it is to accept that you have to sacrifice every contriving thought and every controlling act of the ego, to the Voice Within, to the Red Thread of the Goddess.
Your war is indeed an inner war of self pitted against self.
If you are looking for equilibrium you should pay attention to psychology. 
 But if you are looking for Self-Realisation, self-analysis and
fitting into a norm, will only thicken the veil.
Self-Realisation is when you realise that the self is the Self. 
It may be a long journey of many dissolutions and many surrenders,
or it may seemingly happen in a moment. 
Either way, the ego cannot make it happen;  nor can it figure out the way to get there. 
The ego is the veil that hides Her face from you.
So you can see that it is in service of the One that wants to wake the princess with the kiss, to make the ego less and less.  As the ego becomes less, the veil thins.
But, once again, there is the Trickster, playing along in this leela of snakes and ladders.
So back to the story of St Thereza of Lisieux.  She found these words spoken
by Jesus :
 "Whosoever is a little one, come to me."
The golden magical child
The Great Goddess always has a child on her lap.
Here we see Maya with Buddha;  Isis and Horus;
Mary and Jesus and Devaki and Krishna.
The Self is that part of yourself that you know as the Child.
It is the Child that is socialised and conditioned into the
acceptable behaviour of its culture and society.
It is the Child who may have been indulged
or whose will may have been completely broken
during the formative years.
It is the Child Within, that you have to come to know;
whose every whisper and every whimper you have to learn to understand;
it is the language of the child that you have to re-learn.
Here are a few clues :
when you wake up in the morning, stiff and achy, take the time to hear the voice of the child;  pay attention to those feelings that you fear so much that you override them with logic and reason and bury them deep into those joints and muscles;  when your body aches you do not have to pay attention to the feelings that are coursing through your being, screaming for attention.
when you react with a vehement and resounding 'no' almost automatically when someone makes a statement, stop to listen and to feel what you perceive to be dangerous in this situation?  is it real?  or does it hide a fear?  is the child within still hanging onto an outdated belief system?  when you feel self-righteous and even saintly and 'good', you do not have to feel the feeling or desire to act in a 'forbidden' way.
when you feel completely overwhelmed, hopeless and despondent it is a wake-up call.  feeling 'depressed' is the suppressing of a feeling.  The child, believing him or herself to be powerless and helpless against authority or those with power outside of himself, falls back into feelings of hopelessness.  This is a sure way of preventing you feeling your true feelings.
You may ask, why do I not want to feel the feelings?  There are various reasons and some of these are that when you become aware of a feeling, it demands action from you.  This action probably will mean that you may have to confront someone;  you may have to confront your own behaviour;  you may have to confront a belief system;  you may realise that you were previously arrogant and self-righteous in your outspoken opinions;  you may feel humiliated by your own actions;  you may realise that you have been sabotaging yourself and so on.
The ego is often called the false prince of the kingdom.  It is quick to don the crown and sit on the throne of the sacred garden;  the imposter ruling with reason and logic, banishing the Queen and Her Son, Lover and Consort from the Kingdom.
You cannot merely outwit this imposter with more logic and reason.
You need to take the put the crown down and step off the throne.
That way you replace the garland of thorns with flowers
Living in a patriarchal world based on outer authority, it is easy
to fall into the trap of rebellious independence and mistaking the stubborn determination
of the ego for self-paced spiritual growth.
Spiritual growth cannot be self-paced and cannot be controlled and manipulated
like a harnessed donkey.
When one realises this truth, the blessing of being guided and led by a Guru
becomes obvious.
........On the summit of Mount Kailasa resplendent,
to the master of union with devotion
having pranamed, Parvati, with devotion,
questioned Shankara...

Shree Goddess said,

Om, salutations, O God, O Lord of gods,
Beyond the beyond, O Guru of the universe!
O eternal Shiva, O great God,
the Guru initiation give to me!
By which path O Swami,
should an embodied one full of Brahman become?
Do your grace unto me O Swami,
I am bowing to your feet.

Ishvara said,

My form O Goddess you are,
for your love am I speaking,
Helpful to the world is the question,
not by anyone even done before.
Difficult to attain in the three worlds,
listen to what I am saying,
There is no other Guru apart from Brahman,
this is true, this is true, O beautiful one.
The Vedas, Shastras, Puranas,
historical accounts and others,
And the science of mantra, yantra, and so on,
smrutis, the uccatana and other incantations,
Shaiva, Shakta treatises and so on,
and others variously,
In this world cause the downfall,
of those beings with deluded minds.
Yajnas, vows, tapa, charity,
japa, pilgrimage, and so on,
The Guru principle not knowing,
fools they are those wandering people.
The Guru is the enlightened Self, no other,
this is true, this is true, no doubt.
In order to attain that, effort however
should surely be done by wise ones.
The hidden knowledge, the world's maya,
and in the body born of ignorance,
Arising by whose light,
by the word Guru it is called.
Having purified the Self of all sins,
through seva at shree Guru's feet,
An embodied one can become Brahman by this.
In order to give you grace I am speaking to you.
The lotus of the Guru's feet having remembered,
water on the head one should support,
Of bathing in all the places of pilgrimage,
he obtains this fruit, a person.
Drying up the muddy quagmire of sins,
kindling the fire of knowledge,
The water of the Guru's feet properly
is a crossing over the ocean of samsara.
Destroying the root of ignorance,
ending karmas and birth,
In order to attain detachment and knowledge,
the water of the Guru's feet one should drink.
The water of the Guru's feet having drunk,
there is the Guru's left over food.
Of the Guru's form there is always meditation,
the Guru's mantra one should always repeat.
The land of Kashi is his dwelling,
Jahnavi is the water of his feet.
The Guru is Vishveshvara incarnate,
crossing over Brahman, certainly.
But the water of the Guru's feet which is
Gaya, that is the Akshaya banyan tree.
And the king of places of pilgrimage, Prayag.
to the Guru's form, salutations, salutations.
The Guru's form one should remember continually.
The Guru's name one should always repeat.
The Guru's command one should go forth and do.
Different from the Guru one should not be.
Abiding in the Guru's mouth is Brahman,
it is obtained from his prasad.
The Guru's meditation one should always do,
like the woman of noble family on her husband.
One's stage in life and one's caste and,
one's reputation, increasing one's well being,
This all is abandoned.
Different from the Guru one should not be.
For one who thinks of nothing else but me,
easy to attain is the supreme position.
Therefore by means of all effort,
propitiation of the Guru do.
In the three worlds is one who speaks plainly,
other gods, demons, and snake-demons.
Residing in the Guru's mouth is knowledge,
but through devotion to the Guru is it obtained.
But the Gu syllable is darkness and,
the Ru syllable is said to be fire.
The swallower of ignorance, Brahman,
the Guru indeed is, no doubt.
The Gu syllable is the first letter,
illuminating the gunas, maya, and others.
The Ru syllable, second, is Brahman,
the destruction of maya's rotation.
 extract from Sri Guru Gita
- all SoulCollage images by Bhakty Ma
- more posts on the Inner Child and the Magical Divine Child on http://shaman-shewhoknows.blogspot.com and http://pathofdivinelove.blogspot.com