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Thursday, November 29, 2012

shadow and light

The opposites of shadow and light
Our initiation into new clear seeing and knowing is not complete until we have mastered
or until we have been mastered by the sacred marriage of the opposites of the shadows and the light.
Achieving this is not obvious and simple as we are confronted everywhere
with the polar opposites of joy and sadness, poverty and abundance, rage and peace and
the space between these polar opposites seem to widen every day as one gazes
into the world of mankind.

Here I am, living in a world where children are conditioned from an early age that Chicken Little
actually wants his throat slit for you to have him for dinner;
where the bottom line is always profit and profitability and therefore
it is sanctioned to treat farm animals without kindness or mercy
and it is acceptable to torture animals in order to put a new kind
of hair shampoo on the market, and the list goes on and on.

And on the other hand, I experience bliss (ananda) whilst sitting in my garden,
listening to the birds in the tree above me;  bliss as in all-consuming,
rapture that makes every nerve and every cell and my soul scream
with the ecstasy of the gods;  this world and its shadows
disappear as I become a humming, vibrating pillar of living
bliss and everything is light and only light.
and not just light, but that which is Go-od, beyond words,
beyond intellect, Go-od.

And then I return and I am back in this world
seeing beggars at every robot;
listening to other's emotional and mental pain;
and I cannot find the words
and I lack the fire to create art that may explain
that which I have come to know
as the Infinite Heart
which is the tabernacle of this world
of polar opposites of shadow and light.

And for those who are seeking the infinite within themselves
and this life,  evidence of the Shadow is obvious. 
They struggle with their own seeking for that fleeting moment
of peace and joy;
they are confronted with a mind that undermines their own efforts
and yet, and yet
 each time they return to that deep center, each fleeting moment that they 
glimpse the possible joy and freedom, the potential for bliss,
each time that they taste the bliss during meditation.
they are convinced that it is there, within reach
the suffering and the pain.
Every time that I am pervaded and posssessed by ananda, by living ecstatic bliss,
I am overtaken by the knowing that I am linked to an
immaculate power which pervades my consciousness and carries
my body and soul and heart to levels of rapture that
can only be translated as divine ecstasy.
And thus I live in two worlds,
the one sacred and the other profane
and I move between the two
like a revolving door
And I understand that by abiding in this reality,
by my body and soul becoming ananda,
living in two worlds simultaneously,
I am a bridge between divine and human,
that which connects
that which unites
in other words,
a living sacred marriage.


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Sacred Marriage

The Sacred Marriage - Living with the Tension of the Opposites

First moonflower to open in the Mary Garden
and it did so during the Full Moon this November '12

Duality implies that there is always a perception of two.  As long
as there are two, a polarity exists.
The mind believes it cannot stand both, so it always chooses
'a corner', one of the two.  

Your wholeness lies in seeing both sides of the polarity.

When you are caught up in an uncomfortable position,
or you are stuck in a painful behaviour pattern, ask yourself
'what is the opposite of this?'  'what is the other side
of this polarity that I am not seeing?'

This world is one of duality.  It is polarised
into negative and positive poles and like a
pendulum, it swings,  What comes around, goes around.
What goes up will come down again.
The poles spin and so positive behaviour will turn into
negative behaviour and vice versa.
We are attracted to the positive and repulsed by the negative.
With the result that the negative gets suppressed and denied
and pushed down into the subconscious.
As long as the negative or positive is suppressed, it will attract
and repulse, hidden from your consciousness.

The transformative work is to bring the unconscious into the conscious.
to become aware of patterns, addictions, stories, belief systems,
and undesired feelings.

The work is to remember that you are infinite consciousness,
capable of being with everything as it is.

The work is to release you from your limiting personality
structure which is keeping you locked into a straightjacket
of shoulds and shouldn'ts.

The work is also to let go of the idea of a separate self that exists outside
the will of God or the Divine True Self.

'I am whole, complete and unlimited'

As you look at any given situation from both the positive and both
the negative;  when you look at both sides of the polarity
and when you live with the tension of the opposites,
that tension becomes a suspension bridge
which carries you over the valley of death.

Monday, November 26, 2012

The Sacred in the Ordinary

You and your ordinary life is sacred and it contains 
everything that you have been searching for.

All the sages and mystics over time have always pointed this out with stories
and poetry.  But very few ever believe them.

Often one seeks the sacred and the glorious in places other than
the present, ordinary humdrum of daily living. 
Often the seeking is driven by a longing to escape the humdrum
of ordinary living;  or one seeks in order to prevent disaster
from striking again or to prevent the feelings of loss, betrayal, humiliation and

But the truth of the matter is that discomfort, unhappiness, boredom, death,
dying, pain, cruelty, injustice and more is an intrinsic part of life.
The so-called spiritual life does not exempt you from this.  Enlightenment
does not mean that you no longer feel the pain of the world.  It is probably
true to say that  that the less self-centred you are, 
the less self-absorbed and the less occupied with
your own self , the greater the sensitivity, the greater
the empathy and the deeper you feel the pain in the broken heart of the Mother.

But then it is also true that he deeper and more intense you feel, 
the greater the call to add to the world in some way or another;  
not for glory and fame, nor power and money, 
but to add beauty and wisdom in some form to this world.

And herein lies the crux of the matter.
As the selfish heart is crucified, it flowers with Love and Mercy.

Once again quoting Thomas Merton :  It is precisely anguish and 
inner crises that compel us to seek the truth, because it is
these things that make clear to us that we are sunk in the hell of our
own untruth.

Moments of absolute bliss and joy are the golden children of a sacred marriage. When the heart truly
feels, the heavens open.
When the flesh and Spirit meet, a transformation takes place
 and the profane is no longer ordinary, but sublime!

The sacred and the profane affect one another - the two circles intersect - two worlds meet
and join

or sometimes shown as the triple

and we see the
mendorla of the Mother

The world is the very ground for our experience of the sacred.

But in order for the ordinary to become luminous and to have
meaning, we have to infuse it with meaning.

Thomas Merton writes about the loss of symbolism as follows :

All classic shapes have vanished
from alien heavens
where there are no fabled beasts
no friendly histories
and passion has no heraldry

I have nothing to translate
into the figures of night
or the pale geometry
of the fire-birds
If I once had a wagon of lights to ride in
the axle is broken
the horses are shot

As we spiral inwards into ourselves, to find the Immanent God, we 
simultaneously spiral outwards to meet the Divine in the world. As we
clean the glass that is darkly veiled with the ideas of being an individual,
focusing only on me, myself and my own suffering, 
believing ourselves to be unconnected to everyone and everything else, 
the seed is watered and fed and we grow into that
tree that gives shelter and food to an entire village.

In order to find the sacred in the ordinary, to spiral inwards
to meet the immanent Self, two seemingly separate and opposing
worlds have to collide in order to meet

In order to enter into the Nothingness within,
a death has to be embraced as the egocentric life
dies in the Void

As we strip the layers and layers of self-absorption
and self-delusion
and we come alive to the ordinary, the small profane
acts of living and ordinary life
as we become poor in spirit, 
and humble in mind,
we meet the Sacred in the Ordinary.

And here, from this place,
your every act is an act of devotion and worship
here you live your passion
without expectation of an appreciative audience,
you sing your song for nobody.

Let my every word be a prayer to Thee
Every movement of my hands a ritual gesture to Thee
Every step I take a circumambulation of Thy image
Every morsel I eat a rite of sacrifice to Thee
Every time I lay down a prostration at Thy feet;
Every act of personal pleasure and all else that I do,
Let it all be a form of worshipping Thee.

From verse 27 of Shri Aadi Shankara's Saundaryalahari

Sunday, November 25, 2012

From the Underworld to the Next

an exciting new blog from one of the members of The Temple of Mary .......

The Journey Begins
This blog crept up to you from the vast echelons of the collective we like to call the internet. This is how it starts. They ask me to give you descriptions of what it is that is happening here, but who am I to try? I can't, wait...No, it has nothing to do with what I believe I am capable of: I won't, I will it not. However, I am not so stupid as to believe that this entry will evade being forced to represent the greater whole it forms part of, so I will allow that and maybe even embrace it, a little, for a while.

Great men are seldom spoken of and I do not wish to change that truth. In fact, what you will find offered here is always, probably, mystifying and sometimes maybe even disenchanting. This disenchantment will not be my fault, as you will see: here, I indulge in the moral frivolity of guilt not because I wish to apologise but rather because I would like to allude to, what I believe right now, is imminent.

I, here, believe that the words found in this entry will be demanded of to represent what is and what will be. I don't actually care if it does or does not. I cannot express this better than a man we are best to be cautious of, if we trust what they say is best, but as you will see, I believe, I have little regard for what they say must be considered "best".

What I am saying here is this: the reader of my blog is expecting a wall which does not want to be climbed to be constructed here. This is what we expect from any being which takes itself to be an authority or, in other words, human. They tell you that you are ruled by what they call nature and its "laws". You must accept these laws to live well, live good. You must not fret at the insurmountable walls posed by its laws, there is no point in this, you are better off accepting it. Just accept it. Just accept that you are descended from apes and are ruled by the same, normal, natural, desires. Accept that two times two is four, it is the law of mathematics, do not bother challenging it.

But, we may ask, and here we encounter one of the men I would like to speak of against all good reason, what if...what if "I don't happen to like those laws and that twice twice two is four?" Here, we encounter the "lazy devil" and he is not the laughing kind. A brooding, miserable, being who has very little consideration for what is "best" for him. We will encounter more of these men here, you can be sure, one may even say that this organisation you are, here, encountered with aspires to the heights of these type of men (and be sure that I, as do they, shed no regard for the "gender" here). However, caution to those who trust my words: what do I know? Indeed, I have caught myself listening to Nietzsche's, another man we are best not to speak of, "malicious bird" who twitters: "What do you matter? What do you matter?". Now, I hope you see, this wall does not care if you will to climb it or not, whether you will to believe that you may or not. If you will: do, be dared!

Now you know why I do not apologise and why I do not, here or anywhere, matter. I do not wish to place upon you the curse of law. This you may question, this you may vehemently disagree with: you demand this curse! "Well, so much the better".Here, you are presented with an entry as a disgusting agreement with the man who wishes to dismiss nature and its laws as becoming "too human" becoming a calculable, necessary, path. We will find nothing as light as what they consider to be "best" here, we will not find humanity here. Instead, we will find wanderers such as the great Zarathustra who knew that: "There are a thousand paths that have never yet been trodden—a thousand healths and hidden isles of life. Even now, man and man's earth are unexhausted and undiscovered." Then, there is walking to do, then: let us walk!

I commit myself to the inhumanity of these dangerous men and in this you witness my siding with the promises of lovers. Here, you find me straying from The Path. Come one, come all, this is a sight appreciable to anyone: if you dare. This my journey from the underworld to the next! I start my journey with a parable, read it...my friends. Will love and be willed love:

"Wake and listen, you that are lonely! From the future come winds with secret wing-beats; and good tidings are proclaimed to delicate ears. You that are lonely today, you that are withdrawing, you shall one day be the people: out of you, who have chosen yourselves, there shall grow a chosen people and out of them, the overman. Verily, the earth shall yet become a site of recovery. And even now a new fragrance surrounds it, bringing salvation—and a new hope." By: Friedrich Nietzsche. From: Thus Spoke Zarathustra: On The Gift-Giving Virtue: 2.

http://underworldandthenext.blogspot.com/ - you can subscribe by email

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Our Lady of Ngome, KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa

1st Encounter. 22nd August 1955. Feast of The Immaculate Heart of Mary.

Shortly after Holy Communion, Mary stood before me, very close-by. Everything was seen in spirit. I was drawn into another atmosphere. Mary showed Herself in a wonderful light more beautiful than the sun. She was robed all in white, flowing veil from top to toe. Upon Her Breast rested a big host surrounded by a brilliant corona radiating life. She was a living Monstrance.
Mary stood upon the globe, hands and feet invisible. I felt like entering a cloud, drawn by Mary, away from the earth. I had my eyes closed but I saw so much light that, for several days, I was very much dazzled by the beauty and light that I had seen.

Mary said the following:

“Call Me ‘Tabernacle of The Most High’. 

You too are such a Tabernacle, believe it. 

as recounted by Sr Reinolda May

Prayer to Sophia

SoulCollage(R) image made by Bhakty Hettienne Ma.
for more on SoulCollage(R) www.path-of-divine-love.com

Prayers to Sophia
by Joyce Rupp

O Dancer of Creation,
the earth awakens to an urgent call to grow.  In the hidden recesses of my 
wintered spirit, I, too, hear the humming of your voice,
calling me, wooing my deadness back to life.


Tell me, Wise Awakener,
why is it easier to believe in a stem of new grass,
or the opening bud of a fresh purple crocus,
than it is to believe in the greening of me?

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Conquering the Dragons

When you are controlled by the dragon/ego/parasite, you are a mind-controlled slave of your own fears and defensive habits.  Your behaviour is predictable and often painful or you experience a complete absence of vitality.

 To be free of dragons, you must develop and exercise will, or intention.  Will is the ability to exercise choice in your life, rather than being controlled by the dragon.  Will is necessary to become a spontaneous and creative  human being.  Will is the dynamic focus that makes things happen in your life.  Will helps you manifest your vision.  Without a vision you have no hope of transforming the dragon because you do not know where you are going or why you are alive.

 Vision is only possible when you see the big picture of how your actions influence the world around you.  The context or background of your life is the ground upon which your will acts.

 Will represents the masculine qualities of life and the context or background upon which you act represents the feminine or magnetic qualities of life. 

Masculine will is only productive when it works in harmony with the feminine, supportive context of the big picture.  In the same way, the context of life is inert unless it is acted upon by the will.  Vision is the product of will and context working together.

The necessary ingredient to get will and context to work together is gratitude, also known as recognition.

 Gratitude in your own life brings your intentions into harmony with your life.

 The greater respect you have for your life and for all that lives, the greater the possibility of transforming the dragons to live in freedom and joy.


 Each dragon has its weapons, but the most powerful weapon to conquer any dragon is mindfullness  and meditation.

 The dragon uses the constant chatter in your mind to control your personality.

A disciplined mind cannot be controlled against its wishes.

 You can remain free if you remember what feeds the dragon so that you know what to deprive them of.  Dragons thrive on fear and fear comes from perceiving that you are separate.  Any kind of discrimination and judgement feeds the dragons.  To judge that you are better than others feed the dragons.  To judge that you are inferior to others feed the dragons. To be judgemental is to separate yourself from others, and when you do that you make your love conditional. 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

More on the dragons ..........


Arrogance Dragon
The fear of vulnerability as well as the fear of being judged negatively; confusion over self-worth. People with this dragon swing from feeling inflated and special to experiencing puncture and deflation.  Their fear pattern includes aloofness, shyness, remoteness, performance, anxiety, false personas, vanity, criticalness and narcissism.  They attempt to be perfect in others’ eyes, and were compared to high standards as children.

Self-Deprecation Dragon
The fear of being inadequate or poorly equipped for life; low self-esteem, sometimes called an inferiority complex.  People with this dragon have a fear pattern that includes cringing, apologizing, shrinking, self-deflation, and inner criticism.  They avoid criticism by criticizing themselves first, and were put down as children.

Impatience Dragon
The fear that time will run out. People with this dragon rush, are intolerant, experience heavy stress, try to do too much in too short a time and are constantly in future fantasies.  They are not present, can be accident prone, and were deprived of experience as children.

Martyrdom Dragon
The fear of being trapped by circumstances or outside forces. People with this dragon complain, whine, act ‘poor me’ and are oriented toward being victims.  They are excellent at creating guilt in those around them, and were forced to be constantly obedient as children.

Greed Dragon
The fear that there is not enough to go around.  People with this dragon have a fear pattern that expresses itself in addictive behaviour, hoarding, coveting, amassing or depriving themselves and others.  Their greed tends to fixate on food, power, sex, wealth, or something.  They were abandoned as children.

Self-destruction Dragon
The fear of losing control.  People with this dragon are addictive, violent and suicidal.  They exhibit wild behaviour or desperate self-sabotage.  They may not live long because they cannot find meaning to life.  As children, they were abused and abandoned.

Stubbornness Dragon
The fear of authority and sudden change.  People with this dragon have a fear pattern that is expressed in rebelliousness, rigidity, obstinacy, argumentativeness, hardheaded behaviour, a refusal to listen and a refusal to submit.  They try to slow down events to buy time.  As children, they were given no options and were forced to do what they were told.


Each of the dragons alter’s people boundaries in significant ways.

Arrogant people create rigid boundaries around themselves to wall themselves off from hurt and criticism.  When they are in doubt about their self-worth, or if they are shy, they retreat from others.  They can also fall into intrusiveness when they assume too much importance and disregard the boundaries of others. 

People with self-deprecation are notorious for their lack of boundaries.  They are in doubt about their value and their right to be alive, so they tend to omit necessary boundaries, letting others do as they please with them. 

 Their primitive form of boundary is a brittle defensiveness that falls apart easily.  They hardly ever intrude on others’ boundaries.

Impatient people push through others’ boundaries in order to hurry them up.  They also tend to have a very poor sense of where they are.  Their boundaries can be elusive but are by no means completely absent.
Martyred people are calculating about how they allow others to intrude upon them.  They appear to have no boundaries at all, but they actually have more control than they show.  They make a business out of relinquishing their boundaries.

Greedy people are famous for intruding on others and failing to respect others’ boundaries.  However, they defend themselves against receiving and place too many rigid boundaries on themselves.  That is the deprivation side of greed.

Self-destructive people have a dual approach to boundaries.  They are difficult to reach and have rigid defenses against intimacy.  However, they tend to be sloppy about respecting others’ boundaries and they intrude on others in violent ways.

People with stubbornness have rigid, inflexible boundaries.  They draw their lines in the sand over arbitrary issues that are typically fears of oppression projected onto others.  If others crash through their brittle boundaries, they can become deeply depressed or overwhelmed with despair.  Stubborn people do not necessarily invade others’ boundaries;  they are more protective of their own.

 The following dragons are the effect or symptom of the active dragon in your psyche.
Action Dragons
Dragons that stop constructive action : martyrdom and impatience

Assimilation Dragon
The dragon that stops absorption of information : Stubbornness

Expressions Dragon
Dragons that stop expression : self-destruction and greed

Inspiration Dragon
Dragons that stop inspiration : self-deprecation and arrogance

Narrow-focused dragon
Personality fear patterns (dragons) that narrow people’s sphere of influence : martyrdom, self-deprecation and self-destruction


Pervasive developmental disorders -
Autistic disorder : stubbornness

Specific developmental disorders -
Mostly stubbornness and impatience

Disruptive behaviour disorders –
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder : impatience
Conduct disorders : mostly self-destruction
Oppositional defiant disorder : stubbornness

Sadism : self-destruction
Voyeurism : greed, arrogance

Sexual disfunctions –
Hypoactive sexual desire disorder : greed
Sexual aversion disorder : stubbornness, arrogance
Female sexual arousal disorder : impatience, stubbornness, arrogance
Male erectile disorder : impatience, stubbornness, arrogance
Inhibited orgasm : stubbornness, martyrdom
Premature ejaculation : impatience

Sleep disorders –
Insomnia : impatience, martyrdom

Factitious disorders – martyrdom

Impulse control disorders –
Intermittent explosive disorder : self-destruction, greed
Kleptomania : self-destruction, greed
Gambling : self-destruction, greed
Pyromania : self-destruction, greed

Personality Disorders –
Paranoid : arrogance, martyrdom
Schizoid : self-deprecation
Schizotypal : arrogance, self-deprecation

Antisocial : self-destruction
Borderline : self-destruction, arrogance, self-deprecation, impatience, greed
Narcisistic : greed, arrogance

Avoidant : self-deprecation
Dependant : self-deprecation
Obsessive compulsive : arrogance, stubbornness
Passive-aggressive : stubbornness, martyrdom

 Extracted from the book Conquering your Dragons by Jose Stephens.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Transforming your dragons


Years ago I read a powerful book written by Jose Stevens, 
entitled Transforming your Dragons;  How to turn fear patterns into personal power. 
 Here are some of the most pertinent points summarised :


Dragons are false selves created by ourselves in order to protect us from pain. They are fear related and designed to act as a defense reaction. Dragons are sustained by your thoughts, sponsoring thoughts and your deep-seated belief systems. 

Once you are aware of your dragon, you can tame it! 

The dragon only has power over you as long as you are unaware of it and that which drives it. In order to conquer your dragon you need to face your fear and begin to live your REAL self. You can achieve this by focusing on your positive aspects and by making decisions based on your strengths and not your weaknesses. You can use affirmations. 
You can use positive self-talk instead of destructive criticizing self-talk. 
You can follow this up with affirmative, self-supportive actions and habits. 

Remember that half the battle is won when you can recognize, accept and acknowledge the existence of your dragon. If you cannot recognize your own dragons, look at the mirrors offered by those closest to you. 

The Craving Dragon 
The Martyrdom/Victimhood Dragon 
The Impatience Dragon 
The Self-Destruction Dragon 
The Stubbornness Dragon 
The Pretension Dragon 
The Self-Devaluation Dragon

Complaining, resentful, guilt-inducing, ‘woe is me’ attitude, blaming, sighing, felt taken advantage of , long suffering, sacrificing, self-righteous 
Agonized, anguished, trapped, persecuted, victimized 

I am not okay. I am trapped. I must make others feel bad for causing my pain. I can win by suffering. 

 ‘Someone else/something else is always at fault, to blame for what happens to me.” The martyr feels victimised because he or she feels truly undeserving and worthless. I do not deserve anything but a rotten life. I need to suffer. I need to struggle to prove my worth. I am not worthy of having a wonderful great life. 
There is great fear that if you tell the truth about your own wants and wishes, nobody would want you. Demanding other people’s sympathy keeps you a victim. Your spiritual life might also enforce this dragon by finding glory in suffering and your self-made hell on earth. 


I create my own reality I am discovering more happiness every day 
There is a way through every problem 
I am able to have my needs fulfilled 
I am a valuable and worthwhile human being no matter what I do 
Life is getting better every day 


Tell the truth 
Stop using the strategy of manipulation; face your terror of feeling valueless. Tackle the inner rage that goes with fear. 
Draw boundaries Say No! Stop saying yes to things you do not like. Stop being ‘nice’ and ‘agreeable’. 
Stop complaining Give up the pleasure of sympathy of others. Sympathy is a poor substitute for life. 
Take responsibility Choose; see and accept alternatives – you are not ‘trapped’ except by your beliefs. 
Be willing to have fun Let others see and enjoy your pleasure – stop feeling you’ll be punished for it. 
Admit your needs Ask for help; become a team player – admit that you need the love of others 
Give up blaming and always being right It re-enforces your dragon to make others look bad and yourself look good and perfect. You don’t have to earn love by being perfect. 

Selfish, grasping, possessive, voracious, tight-fisted, covetous, materialistic, stingy, anorexic or bulimic, hoarding, promiscuous 
Deprived, hungry, unsatisfied, craving, empty, insatiable, denying, envious, craving, desirous 


I will take what I can get in place of the real thing and pretend I like it. Acquiring is a relief. Whatever I have is not what I want. Other people have what I want. I’ll have to take it. 

Just one more will bring me that feeling of satisfaction One more drink, one more takeover, one more lover, one more cookie, one more of anything will bring satisfaction – in the end they destroy all that you had, driving others away. In your spiritual life it means collecting guru’s, hunger for forbidden things – sex, material things. Craving people do not enjoy life because they are too worried about losing things, too focused on getting more of them. They live lonely lives. They are often unloved, unhappy and unfulfilled. 


The more I give, the more I get I thoroughly enjoy everything I have 
I am confident enough to face my sadness 
I love to share what I have with others 
I have everything I need or want in order to be happy 
I am completely satisfied with what I have 


Acknowledge that greed is a problem
Note the lack of satisfaction when you get what you craved 
Note how short-lived the satisfied feelings is 
Recognize your fixation Which craving keeps you tortured – food, power, sex, possessions? 
End the search Surrender, face your feelings of despair – deep down you know that what you crave will not satisfy you 
Recognize your true source of Satisfaction By denying your cravings you will identify what lies behind them – the real source of ‘hunger’ is for love and acceptance, to know your meaning and purpose in this world. 
Give to others Stop blaming others, what you give is what you get; learn to give love, time, compliments, bonuses 
Be kind and generous with yourself Accept and nurture yourself – there is no substitute. 
Enjoy what you already have - stop neglecting what you already have. Give up the search for something better. 
Make a list of what you have Give thanks for talents, relationships, abilities, material things 
Give something nice to yourself that you always wanted Every time you use it, feel glad you bought it. 


Drooping shoulders, meek, servile, lonely, resigned, disgraced, despised, intimidated, apologetic, bad posture, eyes downcast, chew lips/fingernails, pick nails, pull hair. 
OR Self-accusatory, self-condemning, self-reproaching, self-conscious, undeserving, disheartened 
BELIEF : I can’t do it, I will only be loved if I achieve. I am inadequate. 

THE BIG LIE : The more I admit to inadequacy, the better off I’ll be. The truth is that you are not winning by perpetuating an apologetic self, instead expectations of inadequacy are reinforced by experience of hopelessness and depression, feelings of defeat. Low self esteem is the cause of more illness than any other source. Lack of confidence is devastating on relationships. Half-hearted actions, fear of making decisions will re-enforce failure. The dragon destroys your spiritual life as well, since you are totally unworthy of saving – an inadequate sinner who will fail in spiritual quests. 


I am adequate to meet any experience in life. I am a lovable person, and I know I make an important contribution to the world. 
I am amazed at the success I experience in everything I do. 
I know that people like me and want to spend time with me 
I experience confidence in my ability to handle all the challenges that come my way 
I find it easy to accept compliments and praise 


Recognize that you are not the dragon It eats your energy, you are really in charge 
Acknowledge that you are afraid of being inadequate – this has caused you to underperform and avoid situations in which you should excel. Your inner child learnt to apologize constantly – liberate that child. 
Be willing to be successful – this requires taking risk – so take little risks at first, don’t start with big ones. 
Ruthlessly eliminate apologies – constant apologizing is a habit. Become conscious of the habit – but be patient with yourself, it will no be easy to modify your behaviour, keep at it. 
Expand yourself at every opportunity – breathe more deeply, stretch your body and mind and face the fears that this bring, bring some pride in yourself and into your life. Do things that will bring recognition. 
Validate yourself at all times – stop putting yourself down; switch off that inner critical voice; accept your value and your worth. Take action and make decisions. 
Give up the reward of being right about being a failure – allow yourself to succeed, to feel adequate, feel that you are equal to others. 


Vanity, witty, conceited, judgemental, sarcastic, smug, boastful, egotistical, perfectionism, supercilious, self-righteous, criticizing, self-important, big-headed, proud, cynical, inflated 
OR Self-conscious, shy, embarrassed, uncomfortable, distant, hard-to-reach, aloof, cool, suspicious, unavailable 

I must criticize others before they criticize me. I have a right because I know how to do things better. If they find fault with me I become aloof. 


You want to believe it, to impress others, but deep down you are not sure. You worry that someone will see through you and find you have no value; they will ignore you, or worse – they may humiliate you. So you keep up the act – and become lonely. You want them to draw you out (passive mode)

I am equal to, not better or worse than, other people Others experience me as warm and open 
I accept myself and other people 
I am proud of my accomplishments and do not need to advertise them, they are seen by others naturally 
I have become tolerant of criticism and learn from it 

Realize that you are not the Dragon – the true you is the person who is free of judgement 
Admit that you feel isolated – you do need others but the name-dropping, bragging and fancy clothes did not win friends – see the loneliness of your inner child and reclaim the real you 
Show vulnerability – be refreshingly imperfect – at your own pace, and with those you trust 
Pay attention to others – instead of assuming they are judging you, accept they are more concerned with their own affairs, not yours, - start noticing interesting things about people you meet, give them a word of support, of recognition, start serving others 
Let yourself be – the inner child has withdrawn, seeking shelter, believing it is unloveable and the world a frightening cruel place – nurture your inner child, accept and love yourself, you need kindness and compassion 
Release judgement of yourself and others – stop judging others; don’t criticize yourself. 
Be equal to others – respect is earned when it is also given; everyone is special in their own way. Let go of wanting to be better than others 
Come out of hiding – let go of withdrawal, aloofness, distance 

Headstrong, unco-operative, unbending, set in one’s ways, unpersuadable, immovable, contrary OR Inflexible, tenacious, relentless, willful, fixed, stuck, perverse, obstinate, determined 

BELIEF : Change is frightening 

People in authority rob me of power. They want to control me. Resist authority to preserve integrity. I can’t back down, right or wrong. Resisting the rules makes me win. My personal freedom and independence is threatened. 

THE BIG LIE : If I refuse to change, I am more powerful. 

It is a hollow victory, by refusing to budge, you alienate your friends and family; stubborn people end up victorious but alone. Others do not want to deal with such a difficult, inflexible person – this is the blueprint for loneliness and despair. It affects your health – you hearing, your back. This dragon leads to all others – arrogance, greed, impatience. This dragon can easily seem to be merely determined. Battles are often fought internally by engaging in internal dialogues. 


I have the courage to admit when I am wrong I am learning the art of compromise 
I am an excellent listener 
I like to do new and interesting things 
I enjoy implementing the suggestions and advice of others 
I learn a lot from my failures 


Learn to be flexible – Minds are like parachutes – they only work when they’re open – consider all the options 

Learn to say YES – try new things, go to new places, listen to suggestions for change 
Express yourself openly – don’t put things off – rather say you don’t want to and discuss it 
Listen with an open mind – silent opposition is a real ‘stubborn’ response – listen, and talk 
Come to terms with authority – stubbornness comes from lack of inner confidence – but you become what you resist – what happens when you become the ‘authority’? Are you oppressive too? 
Embrace change – accept that change is inevitable – we cannot stop it, use the opportunities that change brings 
Admit your mistakes and accept failure –don’t try and prove you are right when you are not, if you have made a bad decision, accept it – you won’t lose face. Stubbornness is based on fear, learn to let go. 

Reckless, daredevil, dangerous, delinquent, imprudent, suicide, wild, foolhardy, excessive, addicted, frantic, self-mutilating, anorexic, bulimic 
Out-of-control, hopeless, despairing, devastated, inconsolable, feeling futile, defeated 

I am alone and the world is scary and hostile. I am abandoned, I am bad and should be punished. I must be in control at all times. Death is better than life. 

More external control is the answer to the problem 
The truth is that over-control results in bigger problems (obsessive-compulsive behaviour) External control is no substitute for a deep sense of meaning, self-guidance and confidence. This dragon arises out of feelings of abandonment, emotional or physical abuse and unreasonable punishment as a child, a lack of self-worth, panic, despair, it seriously impacts on health, creativity and relationships 

I am able to find value and meaning in my life 
I have learned to respect myself and others 
The pain I have experienced helps me to help others 
I am strong enough to let go of the need for control 
I have wonderful people who care about me 
I am able to be a friend myself 

Realize that life is sacred – and has ultimate meaning; this needs courage 
Admit that you are out of control - don’t be afraid to give up pretending you have control; ask for help Admit that being in control is the real issue – gain control over your own reactions, the rest follows 
Set your sights on realistic goals – don’t aim unrealistically high; set small achievable goals 
Clean up the messes in your life – from romances to friendships to business – pay off your debts to others, and communicate, even if it means facing discomfort and upset 
Face your abuse of yourself and others – respect and take care of your body; abuse is an outrage 
Face the issue of abandonment – it is extraordinarily painful, it is devastating to face it – but it is essential to accept that we are each of us alone – and yet, never alone – recognize your relationship to others and the importance of that contact. You are here for a purpose, decide to live life. 

Excitable, brusque, cursory, snappish, short-tempered, short-fused, intolerant, abrupt, looking at watch often, rash, hasty, reckless, rude 
Nervous, anxious, jittery, agitated, impulsive, fretful, eager, impetuous, heedless, rushed 

BELIEF Time is something that there is too little or too much of 

THE BIG LIE: If I go faster, I can get to my goal quicker, and accomplish more – it’s better to hurry. Time is limited and it’s going to run out on you. 
The truth is that moving more slowly is more efficient and therefore more productive. Time cannot run out. Impatience contribute significantly to increased stress, especially the digestive and vascular systems, it accelerates the aging process, it hampers healing, it restricts creativity. Time is relative, stretchable, condensable. Time is a tool to be used – Be the master of time, not its slave. 

I have all the time I need to accomplish everything I want to in life 
Silence is beneficial to me 
Being mindful leads to fulfilling relationships for me 
I enjoy just being, without having to do anything 
The more relaxed my pace, the more I seem to accomplish 
Time is always on my side 


Experience unstructured time – learn to be in the moment. Enjoy spending time unplanned and spontaneously. Learn silence – cut out the endless mental dialogue. Stop being afraid of missing something and thus having radio, TV on while doing other things 
Cut out intrusions of TV, radio – develop intimacy with friends, your children by doing one thing at a time, seek peaceful environments 
Be graceful – move slowly, don’t rush, become aware of each muscle and movement 
Develop rhythm – life is rhythmic and when disrupted all goes wrong; when ill, allow time to heal; learn to relax. Communication is a rhythm of listening and speaking 
Be mindful – become aware of what you are doing while you’re doing it; notice what is happening in your mind,your body 
Learn the true nature of time – it’s all relative, the faster you go the slower you go. Mold time to suit you 
Play with time – spend the day without your watch – start weekends

..... more to follow.